Results Not Typical

I haven’t posted my last months workouts with Mike here because my company blocked Blogger on the internet. I thought I had to wait until I got home to post and by then I had forgotten what I did at 5:30 that morning. Then I had the brilliant idea to blog at work, using Microsoft Word, send it home via email, and post at night. Unfortunately since I had this brainstorm (duh!) I had forgotten what I did during my workout.

One memorable event at the gym these past few weeks…I was able to do more than 3 minutes on the Elliptical machine. Mike figured out that I was using it on an incline. If I decreased the incline to 1, I can go forever without my knees killing me. That alone was worth the price of Mike.

Mike tells me today we’re going to do the TRX workout. This workout was developed by Navy Seals who, while deployed, searched for ways to stay in peak condition while inside warehouses, urban safe-houses, ships and inside submarines. Navy Seals. And me. Riiight.

I’ve worked minutely on these straps before- just basic pull ups with my body at a 45 degree angle. Today we worked exclusively on the straps.

And now, I can’t move.

Pull ups, push ups, lunges, scissor kicks, squats, curls- all done with the straps. I was a giant sweaty mess when we finished. And when I got home, I sat on the couch and promptly fell asleep. When I woke up, I literally could not get up. Everything on my body was achy and stiff. For the FIRST TIME I’ve been training with Mike, I feel like I’ve worked every part of my body. I couldn’t walk up the stairs to get to the 1 train.

And it was the last training session. I get evaluated on Thursday.

Mike, thanks for pushing me and being my inspiration to get up in the morning. And on Thursday? Could you give me that TRX training sheet? I need to do this workout more often…

Results Not Typical

It’s Tuesday again, so it must be workout day. I REALLY need to go more than twice a week…

I start with six minutes on the treadmill at 3.9. This works out to be around 15 mph. Don’t ask me how… Mike comes over and takes me to the free weight area and puts a half bouncy ball upside down on the floor. I do 3 sets of 12 push ups with my hands on the bouncy ball bottom. This is hard because I have to balance as well as do the push ups.

Next, he flips the ball things over and makes me sit on the top with my hands under my ass. He tells me to bring my knees to my chest and then straighten them out. All while balanced on the ball. Riiiight. I do two very shaky sets of 12.

Still on the ball, leaning back, I do two sets of 15 crunches.

Next to the machines I’ve been looking forward to- the Adductor and the Abductor. Three sets of 12 with 70lbs. on each of these inner and outer thigh machines. Ouch. This is why I can’t get up from my office chair easily.

Over to the tall machine that can do 1,000 different exercises with straps, bars and handles. He has me doing three sets of 12 downward triceps curls with (I think) 40lbs. Then he switches the bar for two handles and has me in a lunge stance doing two sets of 12 chest presses with (I think) 20 lbs on each side.

I have nine more sessions, then I’m on my own. Sniff!

Results Not Typical

After a week of not working out (migraines, stomach viruses and bronchitis (Mike’s, not mine)) I’m finally back to my Tuesday/Thursday routine.

What a difference a week makes.

Today Mike said he would take it easy on me- ease me back into the routine. Well thanks, Mike. If that’s easy, I don’t want it hard.

After six minutes on the treadmill at 4.0 (still don’t know…) we went downstair to this ginormous machine I had to lay down in and do leg presses. Mike took 270 pounds off the machine (6-45lb weights) to leave me with NOTHING but the mechanics. Who the HELL presses 270 lbs? The mechanics felt like 100 pounds- add that to the weights. Geez. Anyway, I did three sets of 12 then fell out of the machine.

Three sets of 12 leg extensions next while he told me about his son trying out for the Milwaukee Brewers. He was eliminated in the 4th round…

Upstairs to chest presses. Three sets of 10 chest presses at 50 lbs. He decreased the weight after I struggled to get the first 10 out.

Next was this little machine right by the office. Stand and press down on the weights, then sit (the seat is slightly tilted forward.) Tricep presses for three sets of 10. After he adjusted my seat (he has to adjust everything because I’m so tall) it was alot harder because I was getting the full range of motion. Now I have spaghetti arms.

Into the free weights area where we used a 6lb. medicine ball for 2 reps of 12 Ab crunches handing the ball off, then crunching without it. Then I near collapse when we do alternating twisting then handing off to Mike while he stands on my feet. I can only do 10 before I sink back and don’t get up.

We’re done. Everyone knows it. I don’t even finish off on the bike.

So because of that, I’ll go to the gym tomorrow morning and work out without him.

Results Not Typical

Today was the first day in three weeks of training that I wanted to call Mike and cancel. My time of the month started last night, and I’m crampy and irritable and was NOT happy that I had to get up at 5:00 to be out of the house by 5:30. But I did.

I did a minute and a half on the Elliptical. My knees were burning too badly. Good thing I got the Glucosimine yesterday and started taking it. Hopefully soon, my joints won’t hurt when I work out. I did 6 minutes on the treadmil at 4.5 (still don’t know what this means…) Mike was ready by the time I finished.

Downstairs we go.

First stop is a huge machine to help with squats. Straight up, no weights, 2 reps of 12. The bar goes behind my head, and I squat, almost sitting on the bench. Mike adds 5lbs. on each side for one more rep of 12. After that he adds 5 more lbs. on each side for another rep of 12. Thighs are screaming….

Next is dumbell triceps kick backs. Kneeling on the bench, 4 reps of 12.

He then takes me to a machine that does chest presses. With no weights, I can’t even lift it. He knows this and helps me get the press up. I do 2 reps of 8- the machine itself must weigh 100 lbs. I’m not sure what I like better- free weights where I have to concentrate on even moves or the machines that keep the moves even.

Into the little room for work on the ball. 2 reps of 12 back curls while balanced on the ball. I almost fall off.

Then he makes me sit on the ball, with my feet up against the baseboard. He has me lean back and do crunches. I do three and…

I fart.

Now, when I was doing yoga, we would “release the toxins” and nobody cared. Christine was really good about not saying anything. And Mike was great- he either didn’t hear it, or he totally ignored it. I did say excuse me, so he should have had a clue that I did. But…I was mortified. Thank goodness there wasn’t anyone in the room with me. I guess this is a normal thing when you’re working out, right? Right? Oh, please say right!

After that I think he felt I was done. We stretched then I did the recumbent bike for 10 minutes. Stick a fork in me, I’m done. This is the next shirt I’m getting. So appropos.

Results Not Typical

Another workout with Mike this morning. I got there and he was still training someone else- at 5:00 am! I did 3 minutes on the Elliptical until my knees started to burn, then 2 minutes running and 5 minutes walking on the treadmill until he was ready. Then we went downstairs to the little room.

Dum Dum Dummmmm (eerie music)

I hate/love the little room downstairs. The last time we worked out in the little room, I was sore for days, but it was a good kind of sore. We worked on that bouncy ball and I totally underestimated the workout that I got. So when Mike said we’re going downstairs, I was a little apprehensive.

We started off on the straps that were attached to the steel column. 2 reps of 10 pullups with my body at a 45 degree angle. Then on my back with the squishy ball between my heels and my hands over my head. Alternate grabbing the ball and raising it over my head then bringing it back to my feet (situps.) 1 rep of 15. Laying on my back with a 10-lb. weight in each hand- raising it to the ceiling then pushing it further and twisting up, working the obliques. 1 rep of 15 for each side. Holding the bouncy ball against my lower back up against the wall and lowering to sitting squat. 2 reps of 15. Pushups- as many as I can do- which was 13! Twice! This is 5 more than I did at the evaluation. One heel on the half bouncy ball and the other leg in the air- pushing up with the bent leg- 2 reps of 15. This is where I pulled an inner thigh muscle and had to stretch it out. Leaning sideways on the squishy ball and raising my leg toes down for 1 rep of 15 each leg. Not as easy as it sounds. In fact, none of this is easy for me- I’m grotesculy out of shape, spastic and not flexible since I stopped yoga. Which I’m going to do every night at 11:00 pm. Just so that I can sleep well and move better.

After all this I did the inclined bike- Mike was concerned for the pulled muscle. 10 minutes on the bike and my legs turned to jelly. Going up the stairs at Penn Station almost had me in tears. Which proves to me I CAN’T go 4 days without working out…

Results Not Typical

I can’t move. The ONLY thing that doesn’t hurt on my body are my fingers. I’m sure my trainer, Mike C. will excersie those soon, too. My brain even hurts! I thought working out was supposed to clear the cobwebs out of your head. Oh, wait. I’m not working out right now…I’m in pain. Pain clouds the thought process, right? Right?

I’m going to list here for posterity the workout I get every time I go to the gym. This way I can remember what to do when my training sessions are over and maybe glean a little sympathy from you. Please? Just a little?

Okay, here goes. And it hurts to relive this…

• 5 minutes on the treadmill to warm up. I can’t figure out how to read how fast I’m going- I just know it’s on “3.5.” I’ll check next time I go.
• 3 reps of 12 bicep curls with 6lb. weights in each hand.
• 3 reps of 12 shoulder presses with 6lb. weights in each hand.
• 3 reps of 12 lateral raises with 6lb. weights in each hand.
• 3 reps of 12 low row on rowing weight machine using 30lbs.
• 3 reps of 12 Ab crunches using a 10lb. medicine ball. Alternating twisting then handing off to Mike.
• 3 reps of 12 Ab crunches, legs raised, reach for toes.
• 2 reps of 10 pull ups on this monster…The Gravitron.

(After a few reps on this, I couldn’t even raise myself. Mike was lifting me with one hand…)

Followed by 6 minutes on the Elliptical machine. That’s all I could take, my knees were burning.

I’m not complaining. (Well, a little.) I NEED to do this. I’m sick of my flabby body. I just haven’t exerted myself this much in many, many years. Most of the time the pain feels good. I know it’s doing SOMETHING. I just never expected the ache to be this bad. And I know it goes away. Usually just in time for another torture session.