F*CK YOU Friday- Covid-19 Edition

I’ve been working on this for 13 weeks now.

• F*ck you, China. Thousands and thousands of deaths could have been prevented if you were just up front with the rest of the world.
• F*ck you to all the asshats who are driving stupid fast on the nearly empty streets and highways. If you get into an accident, you have to go to the hospital, do you realize that? A hospital is no place to be right now, so slow the f*ck down.
• F*ck you to all the entitled people who aren’t wearing masks when the whole world is. I don’t care to discuss the science behind them, whether or not they work- the store has a policy, please comply. If you’re going to be in my 6-foot radius space, please comply.
• F*ck you to the stimulus package. Yes, thank you, we got our stimulus checks (which went right to paying our 2019 taxes) but people like Zombiegirl, who is working (deemed essential) and going to school and is over 21 doesn’t get a thing because we claim her on our taxes. Her demographic is the forgotten one.
• F*ck you to everyone who traveled somewhere else during this pandemic. I don’t care if you “quarantined” for two weeks once you got there, you came in contact with so many people on your way there. I unfollowed a few bloggers who got out of Dodge (NYC) because the thought of being in their apartment with their kids was too much for them (but okay for the rest of us) .
• Not exactly a F*ck you, and I’m going to get shit for this but I’m tired of everyone praising the “front line workers”. Doctors and nurses- I get it, you were out there working in the hospitals, you risked getting infected and you’ve seen things. It was a rough few months. BUT YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS. This is your job. You are trained for this and you are getting a paycheck when so many others aren’t. And please don’t use your job for privilege. Just because you work in a hospital and/or wear scrubs does not make you an “essential worker” and doesn’t entitle you to move to the front of the line in the store or let you buy more than two hand sanitizers at Harmon. “Healthcare worker” does not equal freebies and priority. Tell me how an obstetric sonogram technician is “saving lives on the front line”? SMH.
• Also, just because you work in the Healthcare industry does not make you an expert in all things Coronavirus. Sit the f*ck down if you do not have MD or RN (or any medical degree initials) after your name. And watching the news or reading the government websites doesn’t make you an expert either. Mine and my family’s experience with the medical profession is our own, don’t tell me I’m wrong. You make me want to not talk to humans ever again.
• F*CK YOU to the hospitals who were woefully unprepared for this kind of pandemic. The mere fact that you were unable to provide basic personal protection to your staff (laundry staff included) was/is disgraceful. Isn’t a hospital supposed to be prepared for the worst? Where is that money allocated to?(Board of Trustees pockets, I’m sure). The healthcare system got caught with their pants down and I hope they stockpile the basic needs to such an emergency in the future. America shouldn’t be “sewing for the cause” to provide your employees with face masks. Healthcare is expensive, follow the money- why is Suzy homemaker doling out dollars to keep your employees safe?
• F*ck you, Cathleen. You made me quit working at Stop and Shop. I get that you have mental health issues (weren’t you fired from the Dollar Tree?) but you need some serious help. My last two run ins with you were because you panicked about the pandemic and became unhinged. There was no reason to go off on me when I was just doing my job. And the fact that you KEPT coming at me, even after you left the store twice and returned to spit hatred at me just proves to everyone that you really shouldn’t be working with others. A huge F*CK YOU to management who is aware of your outbursts and how badly you treat the customers and your coworkers and they do nothing to stop you. Cashiers are replaceable and expendable, yet they don’t have the balls to fire you. But I’m not surprised- they didn’t even have the balls to discuss the incident with me, so why should I expect them to that the balls to deal with you?
• F*CK YOU to all the people who jumped at the chance to get out of the house and hang out/go shopping/go drinking. Memorial Day. Fourth of July. We’re now experiencing a surge of cases and there are new restrictions on travel and socializing and it will not stop until you Stay. The. Fuck. Home.

Happy Birthday, Pop-Pop, I Mean, Grandpa

June 8. 06/08/10. Isn’t that a great day for a birthday? It’s one that’s not easy to forget. MR was labeling the egg box and asked the date and I automatically said 6,8,10, and realized it was my Grandfather’s birthday. Does anyone else have trouble with “year math”? I was correct when I said he would have been 110 years old if he had lived.

On a phone conversation with a new friend, we were throwing out facts about each other and discussing her COPD and she asked me if I ever smoked. Well, there was that one time Kathy and I almost burned my bed when we put an illicit cigarette out in a plastic cup and it melted through and singed my quilt and those other few times I smoked cigars with the work boys but really, I can count on one hand how many times I’ve tried a cigarette. It’s a slight miracle that I never picked up the habit considering how many in my family did.

I remember my Nana smoking, but I didn’t remember Grandpa smoking. A quick call to Dad confirmed that he did, in fact smoke (Chesterfields, unfiltered) and stopped when he was about 65 years old. That’s 15 years before he passed, on June 24, 1991. He was diagnosed with COPD, so he quit (Nana didn’t. That tells me something…) and Dad said he had anxiety which made his breathing worse.

Grandpa having anxiety is a strange thought to me. He was so quiet, so reserved that I can’t imagine him having panic attacks, but Dad said he got a call in the middle of the night several times and had to take him to the hospital, even though he seemed fine halfway there and when Dad offered to take him home because it seemed the panic attack had subsided and he became a back-seat driver. It seems like he just liked the hospital. Dad said they knew him there and greeted him by name when they saw him.

It’s weird that I don’t recall him being in the hospital a lot.

I asked Dad what he passed away from, at 81, and he said that he wanted to die so he did. Dad was going on a business trip to Connecticut and he saw his parents the day before. Grandpa gave him a hug and told him that he loved him (which is also weird because Grandpa was not the demonstrative type). Dad went home and told Mom that something was up (see? He was not the huggy type.) and he got a call from Nana the next day that Grandpa was dead. I asked what the official cause of death was and he told me it was pulmonary failure.

I always liked my Grandpa. He was sarcastic and coarse and grumbly and slightly scary. There was that day when I was 12? 13? when he took me aside and said I was too old to call him Pop-pop, I was to call him Grandpa. That day, his words stung my heart. It was one of the things I talked to my therapist about, abandonment issues from someone I loved.

As I got older though, I was able to tease him about it. Your relationship with him did best when you were able to stand up to him gently and snark back at him. As an adult, I would call him “old man” and he would utter a “hey!” and turn away smiling that smile that was passed down to his son and his grandson. I felt sorry for him for the way Nana and Aunt Jean treated him and talked about him so I fiercely defended him on a couple of occasions. He was my one of my favorite Old Persons and I’m fondly reminded of him when I look at his chair sitting in my living room and today, 6.8.10.

Picture to be inserted shortly…