Drumroll, Please

I told you I had BIG NEWS.  Hold on to your panties, then.

Yes, I went and did it again.  It’s not like I don’t have anything to do, and I need to fill my time.  On the contrary, between work, kid(s), cleaning, sewing, shopping, laundry and occasionally cooking, I have very little time left at the end of the day.

But I’ve been thinking about this project for about a year now, surfing the web researching and fine tuning my approach.  I feel like my brain has been pregnant with this idea and now I’ve given birth.

Introducing…Heartz and Craftz!

The site went live November 20th and I’ve booked two parties already.  Woot woot!

The concept behind Heartz and Craftz is basically, I didn’t want to sell other people’s shit.  I’ve been that route before with Passion Parties.  I loved going to people’s homes and demonstrating the dildos, but it got to a point where people only booked a party for the entertainment value (who DOESN’T like to pass a 12-inch double-headed dildo around a circle without using your hands…)  I’d walk away with less than $100 in sales for three to four hours of work.  Yes, I know, I could have sold jewelry, or cookware, or candles but really?  I don’t want to work for someone else.  I don’t want to sell other people’s shit!  I’ve got plenty of my own shit to sell.

And with Heartz and Craftz Parties I know I’m going to make a certain amount based on the number of guests coming to the host’s house.  And I get to bring my already-made crafts with me to sell at the party.  It’s like going to my own private craft sale!  Plus, the crafts I’m teaching are awesome, the price for learning how to do it is CHEAP and people will be able to purchase additional kits to continue with the craft they just learned.

Before H&C was born, I’ve been testing with live subjects (Mwah-ha-ha…maniacal mad-scientist laugh).

For the last two weeks I’ve been holding craft classes for the neighborhood kids and Zombiegirl’s soccer team, trying to get a feel for certain crafts and the logistics of teaching the craft itself.  I’ve got eight more classes scheduled for the next four weeks (they’re held Fridays and Saturdays, $10 each) testing out even more classes.  I have to say (with some surprise) I’M HAVING A BLAST!

I’ve already discontinued one craft (resin) and will be “beta” testing another soon.  My partner (Zombiegirl) and I have been making the sample crafts ahead of time to be sure they’re kid friendly.  Friends of mine will be testing some of the classes for me beginning in 2012 with once-a-month adult classes!  I. Am. Loving. This!

I’m scoping out some craft fairs so I can give my card to particularly crafty people I find.  How great would it be to become a “Craftinista”, teach crafts that are proven to be a lot of fun and show and sell your own crafts?  I’m in the process of setting up a “back-office” website for potential downline Craftinistas…with video tutorials (I totally need a haircut) and shopping carts.

Yeah, this is for reals.  I’m all tingly! lol!

Please, PLEASE, check out the website and give me your feedback- either on content or intention.  Tell me what you think.  I give out customer survey cards to the kids after each class and I can’t believe the amount of exclamation points I’m getting back.  You don’t have to use too many explanation points when you critique my new company…

One will do.


Stuff I Was Doing When I Wasn’t Here

I’m recapping the last month or so, getting the pictures out of my camera and getting it all down here because,


But you’ll have to wait.  I have things to say first:

  • A few weeks ago, I managed to dissolve some skin on my feet:

Ewww, gross.

No, these are not my feet, but it sure felt like them when I spilled boiling water down my front on Monday.  I was wearing sweats which prevented serious burns on my thighs, but then it splashed down onto my feet.  For the rest of the day I sat shivering under a light blanket because it hurt too much to put socks on my blistered feet.   For days afterwards, it felt like a really bad sunburn.  I didn’t go into the office for four days, but worked from home, pantless.

Lovely.  I’ve been told I need to invest in a HazMat suit.  I happen to look nice in yellow.

  •  Zombiegirl managed to squeeze three sports activities in one day.  First, she scored one of the two goals in her 2-1 win over Syosset- the only win the team has to date and one of the more interesting games of the year.  I’ll write about that debacle shortly.  Then we raced upstate to my nephew’s birthday party at The Cliffs in Hawthorne.  I totally want to have a party there- it looked like so much fun, and something I could actually do.

I’d have to be wrapped in bubble wrap first.

That same night we went bowling for the soccer club’s fundraiser.  Between the beer, the driving and the fresh air, we slept really well that night.

  • We celebrated Halloween.  Try and guess what Zombiegirl’s costume was:

Everyday she's shufflin'...

I was able to successfully finish the costume for her Middle School dance the Friday before Halloween with minimal grousing from her.  I even painted her “Party Rock” shoes:She didn’t win any prizes at the dance, but she came out of the school all excited because she had her own “groupie circle” with her dancing in the middle and everyone circling her chanting her name.

This kid is not shy.

  • Halloween showed up with some very impressive pumpkin carving.  My kids are so creative:And a few unexpected guests showed up:

                                                                                           Zombiegirl and her boyfriend.

  • I made cookies for the families that contributed boxes to our new Halloween props (which I’ll post about when they’re done.):

I've perfected my cookie decorating.

  • The night before Halloween, Beena celebrated her birthday with an interesting cake.  I can’t BELIEVE this kid is 23!

Happy Birthday, Beena!

(She doesn’t like frosting.  Seriously, who’s kid is she?)

  • The wildlife in the neighborhood has gone beyond stalking and is now murderous:


We were getting in the car when it started “snowing”.  When we realized it was bloody bird feathers, we ran.

  • The domestic wildlife got a little weird on the odd day of 11/11/11:

Dogs used computers and kids stopped time:I think I’m just about caught up.

BIG NEWS post is coming soon!  Woot!


My cup runneth over with F*CK You’s.  So many and so vile that it may end a few relationships if I actually wrote them down and published them.

Bitter.  Resentful.  Hateful, even.  It would not be pretty.  I have emptied the shelf at Duane Reade of Black Cohosh, it’s that bad.

Instead, I’m going to post things that I’ve found on the Internet that I want- no, NEED.  Things that will make my day a little brighter and maybe turn these furrowing frown marks into a wisp of a smile.

I need more zombies.  And more gnomes.  This satisfies both desires:

Nom, nom, nom.

I’ve decided I’m going to start collecting snippy t-shirts to wear to soccer games and grocery shopping.  Here are two I MUST have:

When I’m PMS’ing, in a foul mood or just down in the dumps, I usually turn to chocolate.  Someone tell me where to buy THESE:

Nom, yum, nom.

Mix and match.  Insert and stack.  Experiment with different flavors.  Pure genius.

Even though I haven’t had bacon in over a year, I still want these in my stocking for Christmas:

Nom, nom, oink...

I’ve tried the Roomba and all it did was end up getting clogged with dog hair.  On the upside, it terrorized the dog, which is always fun.  If I had this, I could run it every day and my floors would be pristine, my family could stop ingesting dog hair and it would probably still chase the dog around:I sleep like the dead.  Nothing wakes me up once I’m out.  But in the morning I pay for sleeping on our 14-year old mattress. So, since I’m wishing, I might as well wish for this organic beauty:

The Bloggess’s red dress.  Because I’m worth it.  And if I keep saying that, I might be.

Alas, I won’t be buying any of these things any time soon.  Unless I can scrounge up a coupon or two…