F*ck You Friday

(This FU list has been compiled over the course of the first quarter of 2022.)

-F*CK you to my stupid kidney, who decided to produce a 3mm stone that landed me in the hospital Emergency Room for 11 hours. I’m still waiting to meet you, Stone.

-F*CK and thank you to the staff in the hospital Emergency Room while I was suffering with my kidney stone. You all helped relieve my pain with some nice painkillers and were very kind and rubbed my back while I cried. You also left me hooked up to fluids long after the bag was drained and I couldn’t get any of you to unhook me so I could go to the bathroom. You also didn’t feed me in those 11 hours so I felt like I was going to gnaw off my hand- the one that was hooked up- in hunger or desperation for a bathroom.

-F*CK you to all of you who start a conversation, email and/or text with “So, ….”. So what? Since when did this speech affectation become so popular? Is what you’re about to tell us very important? I don’t get the “so”, so F*CK you.

-F*CK you for questioning me when I ask you a question. Asking me if I have the right information? I’m asking you about something specific, don’t come back and ask if I’m sure if that info is what I’m questioning about. Yeah, F*ckface, I’m pretty damn sure of the information I need information about. (This whole thing gave me a headache when I read it back. To be a little more specific, I asked someone about a project and gave them the number. She came back and asked me if I was sure I gave them the right number. Huh? I’m looking for info on that number, why would I give you a wrong number? I swear sometimes these stupid people think I’m stupid.)

-F*CK you to the company I currently work for. You downgraded my job title last June and didn’t tell anyone it was an hourly title. Start of January, I find myself with no paycheck because no one knew to put hours in for me. Sorry mortgage, you can’t get paid. Sorry car insurance, you don’t get anything either. After two weeks and flurries of emails, I finally got paid, bank fees included. And because I’m now an hourly employee (big deal, I have to punch a virtual “timeclock”) I was granted the ability to work overtime and now I don’t have to look for a “side hustle” or second job. Win-win!

-Speaking of being paid hourly, now I need my manager’s approval whenever I submit my time. We’re both still learning the system, but it seems to be going well except last week when he was on vacation and delegated his manager to approve my time. Why is it the higher one goes up the corporate ladder, the more brain cells one loses? Is it the altitude? Here’s a F*CK you to my manager’s boss who couldn’t figure out how to approve my time, accused me of not putting it in correctly, even after I sent screenshots of exactly what I did (which is exactly what I’ve been doing since January), wouldn’t answer my emails inquiring where we stood with approval and finally had to get payroll involved because he couldn’t figure it out.

-And speaking of this manager, F*CK you to the type of man (usually one in some modicum of power) that talks AT you. Since I’ve started going back to the office, I’m seeing people I haven’t seen in two years. When starting a conversation to see how one is, I get back one-sided, non-sequitur conversations that have nothing to do with me, work or the question I ask, which is usually, “how have you been?” When I asked the previously-mentioned manager, “How have you been?” I got a long-winded story about him taking his son to the airport and having to wait hours for the flight because of the weather. Same with our Chief of Security ( long-winded story about the telecommunications problems in the tri-state) and same with one of my business managers ( long-winded story about one of the Executive Directors in his department…I can’t even recount that conversation because I zoned out and started thinking about what I was going to have for lunch.) Is it because I’m a woman that these men think they can just talk over me? Or just because I’m a nobody and they think they’re somebody? Well, F*CK you, I’m not asking after you anymore.

-F*CK you to people in my extracurricular Club who deem themselves too busy (or important) to look up how much the prize is for that day’s drawing, too busy to open an email and actually read it, too busy to check back on a text conversation to get details that were discussed, just too busy to do anything menial when they can ask others over and over for the information. F*CK you, I’m no longer answering your stupid questions.

-Also, F*CK you to those people in this aforementioned Club who don’t do a blessed thing to help out. We’re not a big club which makes it more obvious that 48% of the club does nothing. And 13% of the club only come out for the dinner, and does nothing on top of that. We’re a service organization who raises money for charity. F*CK you Diane, for complaining that it’s hard to ask the same people over and over to donate. And F*CK you for calling me rude when I suggested you either ask new people, do nothing like the other 48% or leave the club because THAT’S WHAT WE DO. WE FUNDRAISE. So (so!) F*CK the 48%. I’m looking to join a new club anyway.

-F*CK my neighbors for not securing their garbage so that it blows all over my lawn. We’ll be picking up your matzoh boxes and Styrofoam meat packages and throwing them back into your yard.

-F*CK you to my job. If I could do my job without programs not working, drawings gone missing, applications not running I could be somewhat happy (with the overtime and all). But when the things that I do every day (approvals, Autocad, changing people’s desk locations, using Microsoft Office, for example) stop working or get stuck, it makes my hard job 150% harder. I guess I really shouldn’t complain too hard- when I have this much downtime, I get caught up on a lot of my binge-watching.

-F*CK you, Pretzel (our new pup) for eating your own poop. You’re disgusting.

-F*CK you to the current government in charge. Inflation is at an all-time high. Gas prices are through the roof. And our foreign policy is in the toilet. And while we’re giving out F*CKs, F*CK you, Hillary Clinton. It will all come out in the lawsuit how much of a snake you and the DNC are.