Tweets I Would Have Twittered

Still haven’t mastered the Twitter thing.  What the hell IS a hashtag, anyway?  Too bad, there are a few celebrities and people of note I would like to follow.  I feel like I’m missing out.

But if I DID Twitter, here are some things I would tweet, but don’t because I’m a twit…

  • Men love watches like women love shoes.  I understand the love, but must I be surrounded by watch geeks everywhere I am?
  • Why didn’t the Ramones finish saying the word “basement” in their song “I Don’t Want To Go Down To The Basement?”  Was it a punk thing?
  • While sitting in a cube farm, is it necessary to make all your phone calls on speaker?
  • It’s raining and the bus is crowded.  If you don’t want my umbrella to drip on you, get your ass up and let me sit down.
  • This morning I saw a young guy with a full unruly beard. My first thought was “messy hippy” until in the middle of his conversation he started stroking it.He was elegant.
  • Proud Mommy Moment: Zombiegirl was inducted in the National Junior Honor Society last week.  As did 60% of her soccer team.
  • Thank you, Tim and Chicks for a great weekend at Belleayre Mountain. Saturday night’s 3D adventure (dining, drinking and darts) was a much needed night out.
  • Because of the Etiennes, Zombiegirl now has two new passions- sushi and snowboarding.  Thanks guys.
  • In three weeks, I’ve painted three rooms and laid down three wall-to-wall carpets.   Now the girls can walk on cushion-y softness…
  • The takeover of the MTA Nassau County buses by a private firm have improved the service only marginally.  Let’s hope it gets better.
  • Good luck, @Cheesesticks, in your classes this semester!
  • PEOPLE!  Stop sending out emails with misinformation!  At least check SNOPES.COM to verify if what you’re forwarding is correct or not.  I’m going to start calling you out.
  • Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things…the wise words of a wise man, Steven Tyler.
  • My February filled up way too fast! I have two Heartz and Craftz parties booked, a jewelry party with Eileen (Sparkle-tini 2012!), a soccer tournament, Zombiegirl’s Youth Retreat, three cookie decorating parties, Z-girl’s winter dance, winter recess, Valentine’s Day and…and…I’m probably forgetting something…
  • Although I don’t agree, I like what Ron Paul said about a proposed lunar colony; “I don’t think we should go to the moon, I think we maybe should send some politicians up there.”
  • <Name omitted> If I were married to you, I’d cheat too.
  • Facebook is dead, the novelty has worn off.  Only a few of my die hard friends post anymore.  It’s been commercialized and taken over by corporations and isn’t fun anymore.  Well, except for Words With Friends…
  • I think my cat is having seizures.
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Ten Things I Will Not Do In 2012

Numero Uno:  I will not make resolutions for 2012.  We all know that most resolutions are forgotten by the end of February anyway so why would I bother?  Instead, I have my 101 Things to do in 1001 Days list (which is up in May…) and I compiled a list of goals I want to accomplish each month, with every third month a “swing” month, or a catch-up month.  I’m leaving no room for error here.  And there are certain things I realized over the past few months I should NOT be doing.

An “anti-resolution” list, if you may.  And that is #1.

Numéro deux:  I will not drink soda.  I reach for it out of desperation, sometimes.  It cuts through a dusty throat and momentarily quenches your thirst when parched.  It also pairs nicely with Jack Daniels.  But every time I drink it, I either end up queasy the next day or a migraine kicks in.  I’ve learned my lesson- no more soda.

Nummer drei:  No more second (or third or fourth…) chances for some people.  If it’s over, it’s over for a reason and I’m tired of putting myself in a position to be disappointed or angered time and time again.  I was feeling particularly benevolent this past holiday season and thought maybe some people had matured so I ventured to speak to them again or invite them to certain soirees or ask their opinion on specific matters and once again I was proved correct in severing these one-sided, sometimes toxic relationships.  My gut was right…I should listen to it more.

Broj četiri: I will not put up with  insolence from people, including family members, store clerks or soccer coaches.  I’m ready to put my foot down.  If you can’t speak to me in a civilized manner, I’m calling you out on it.  If you can’t show a little respect, I’m calling you out on it.  If you walk off the field past us parents in a huff (or worse, ignore us and talk to another set of parents (of girls not even on your team) I’m calling you out on it and I may stick my foot up your ass as a bonus.

Numero cinque:  I will not hold on to things with the hope of using it, wearing it or needing it LATER.  I won’t use it later, I won’t fit into it later and I probably won’t remember I have it, much less need it, later.  It’s time to stop hoarding and get rid of shit.  The craft classes I’ve been having (and for the next five months, I’m holding kid AND adult classes!) have been helping me get rid of some of my stuff, as well as using up a lot of Mom’s crafts supplies.  I had to buy very little to supplement the classes and the future classes even less.  I’ve become less sentimental about things so it’s been easier to let go of crap I’ve had for years.  If I’m not totally comfortable wearing something, I’ll donate it.  If it’s been in my sewing pile for more than a year, I’m tossing it.  I will not become one of those hoarders.

Uimhir de shé: I will not buy any NEW clothing this year.  My weight dropped five pounds effortlessly while Dad was in the hospital- due to worry or the lack of options at the hospital cafeteria, doesn’t matter- it came off.  I’ve managed to keep it off through the holidays and it was a really nice boost for me when I zipped up a pair of tight jeans without using the pliers.  We’re going back to the gym and I’m eating better and less frequently.  I anticipate dropping a size in the next few weeks so I may just be able to fit into those pants I’m ready to donate.   So segue into the donation part and how I’m not going to buy NEW clothing this year…I’m shopping thrifty.  My friend Eileen has been an inspiration- I fell in love with a coat she was wearing last week and she got it at one of the thrift stores she circuits.  Damn!  There are plenty of nice, clean stores in the area where I can buy some supplemental pieces at a fraction of the cost of retail (even on sale…) I just have to make the effort and go (by myself) to these stores.  I can alter and sew, so it doesn’t even matter if it’s not a perfect fit.

The exception is underwear.  I DO need to use the Victoria’s Secret gift card MR gave me for Christmas.

Numurs septiņi:  I will NOT be selfish.  My time and my body parts are precious to me, but I will not keep them to myself.  I found a blood center that takes platelets the “old-fashioned” way, and I am planning on getting tested for bone marrow donation.  I’m serving on the Green Team committee at the school and I was just asked to serve on a GLBT task force at church.  I plan on doing more with the Interfaith Nutrition Network (INN) near our town both with Zombiegirl and by myself as well as holding craft classes for seniors and autistic kids.  Life has been  fruitful, so I want to give some back.

Idadi nane:  I will not let my body changes wear me down.  I will not let my constant bleeding drain my soul.  This is the natural progression of things …so be it.  I’ll always be prepared, and explore other options to my beloved lost Diva Cup to help with my “irregularities”.  Acupuncture, Black Cohosh and a Xanax here and there will help with my mood swings so with any luck, my family and I will come through this alive.  Bloodied, but alive.

Dokuz numara:  I will not sit in front of the television with my feet in MR’s lap without working on some project.  I will not waste my time on mindless network drivel hoping his hand strays to that sore spot on the ball of my foot.  I will sew, knit, crochet, sort socks, fold laundry, clip coupons, paint ceramics…anything.  Watching tv is our downtime- I just feel like it could be a little more productive.  Anyway, he can still rub my feet if I twist in juuust the right position.

Number ten:  I will not forget to blog.  I will not ignore this space because I don’t have anything to say.  I will not start a blog post only to abandon it halfway through.  I will not promise to blog about something and never deliver.  I will not have any drafts in my list of posts which means I’m in the process of finishing (or deleting) all those post I started but never finished.   A physical list of things to blog about has been hand written and I will take great joy in crossing them out when I’m done.  My new phone has an awesome camera in it so even if I don’t have time to blog, there are a few good pictures I can post.

So that’s my take on the betterment of 2012, the forty-ninth year of my life.  February is only two weeks away…

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, blogland.

Welcome, 2012.  Bring it on, beyotch.

I managed to laugh my way through these past holidays after all the stress of hospital stays, sicknesses and family drama was over.  Zombiegirl being her usual funny self, Beena regaling us with tales from the Middle School and Cheesestick’s stories from the hut kept me chuckling.  Our annual Cookie Exchange was fun (and not a bit strained or phony) and Tim and the chicks kept me laughing on New Year’s Eve.  The craft classes went great- all the kids liked the crafts and I taught them and they kept me entertained.  Even MR’s lame jokes seem funny lately.  It feels good to finally laugh.

No, I’m not medicated. Not drinking, either.  No Black Cohosh, even.

I’m just ready to tackle 2012, armed with a grin.  I’ve got solid plans and viable goals that I can’t wait to sink my teeth into.  I’ve got strong people watching my back, good people walking beside me sharing my joy (or lending me an arm to lean on) and fantastic people blazing trails for me to follow.  I’ve culled the chaff from my life and I feel light.  I’m not taking anything seriously (I’ll still post F*CK You Friday posts, however.  Wrongs need to be righted!) including myself.  I plan on having F.U.N. this year in everything I do.  Life can and will be good.

At least until February.  Isn’t that when all New Year’s resolution go sour?