My Hoarder Friends- New Year’s Day/Day 120 to Day 156

I love New Year’s Day. It always feels like you’re in an in-between space, not because one is hung over, but because you’ve finished one year and started the next. Plus no one has to get dressed and meals are leftovers from the celebration the night before.

We’re watching The Twilight Zone marathon when we get the call on MR’s phone- it’s Kitty. She’s upset and crying and rambling about Priti. MR tries to calm her down, then tells her we’ll be right over. Since Zombiegirl was “fired” from taking care of them, they’ve asked MR to pick up the slack, if you will. He’s been ferrying them to the doctors (in his work van) and shopping for them and taking out the garbage. They’ve worked their way through everyone and now it’s his turn. Yes, Kitty has tried to goad him into agreeing with her that I was evil and our “fight” wasn’t her fault, and she flirts with him (gack) and tells him all her stories. He’s great with them- he has no skin in the game and besides, they’re PAYING him. He told them that if he is taking time from him other customers and scheduling them into his day, they have to give him something. Good for him! They have been generous with him, slipping him a little extra when they pay him their reduced rate.

Anywhoo, she says Priti is jaundiced and unresponsive when we arrive. We go upstairs to Priti’s room and there is blood everywhere- tissues soaked in blood, her bed and pillow is bloodied. She fell and hit her head and it wouldn’t stop bleeding. I immediately call 911 and MR wraps her up in a blanket and helps her to her feet. He manages to get her down the stairs and we wait for the ambulance to come. MR turns to Kitty and tells her to get dressed, she’s going with them.

(I’m going to fast track this story, a lot of it is repetitive during the next five months)

Priti is admitted with liver failure, a UTI and a head wound. MR or I drive Kitty up to see her every other day or so. Priti now feels she’s ready for a liver transplant (?!) and demands to see the surgical team. They tell her several times that it’s too late, she’s too far gone for a transplant and she doesn’t have a care team in place to help her after a transplant. They ask if she drinks and she says no (?!). They do blood work and find alcohol in her system and she still denies that she drinks (may I remind you that they are both nurses?) 

I suggest to MR that he suggest to them (they won’t listen to me) that they get a lawyer to get their affairs in order. Neither of them have a will, they’re not each other’s beneficiaries in most of their finances and Kitty wants to revoke Priti’s DNR the hospital has on file. She told me on one of the times I drove her to the hospital to visit that Priti is NOT GOING TO DIE.

And yes, I did drive her a couple of times when MR was busy. She accepted my offer because really, how else was she going to get there? When she goes to visit, she uses a wheelchair because her arthritis is so bad her feet turn inwards and she can’t walk for more than a few feet before she needs to stop. So she gets wheeled to Priti’s room, say hi to Priti (who is usually asleep) and then leave them to their visit. More often than not, we’d go back into the room and Kitty is also asleep (drugged out?) in her chair…

So I find a local elderly lawyer for them and Kitty calls and sets up a meeting in the hospital. I’m shocked but glad that she actually took this action. A few days later, she tells MR that the lawyer told her they can hire his daughter and how she can help them clean up the house and drive them (using their car). He also suggested that they sell their car to him. We don’t know if this is exactly what the lawyer said to her because, as we know, her recollection skills are sketchy. We do know that nothing ever happened with that lawyer, she told MR that he was rude to her and never showed up to the hospital.

After a few months, the hospital needs to free up the bed, so Priti has to go. They recommend hospice, but that word throws Kitty into a tizzy. She decides that she can take care of Priti at home, against MR’s common sense advice. She asks MR to take her to a medical equipment store and she schedules a hospital bed and commode and walker to be delivered. MR asks her where the hell does she think they’re going to go? She says if they get rid of the couch and the chair in the corner, they can fit everything in the living room. She seems to forget that there is a SHIT TON OF CRAP in the living room and just getting rid of the furniture ain’t gonna do it. It’s crunch time and MR and I transfer nearly everything from the living room to the garage (which doesn’t lock). We try to stack it in there as best as we can and as organized as possible but there is just so much. We don’t even unbox things, we just stack all the boxes in the garage as fast as possible. She calls GOT-JUNK to come and take out the couch and the broken easy chair in the corner. After a night of moving, and sweeping garbage off the rug, there is a smallish space for a hospital bed, which comes the next day.

The ambulance arrives a few days later and Priti is wheeled out on a stretcher. Her appearance is shocking- she’s the color of my cowboy boots (tan) and she’s gaunt and thin. 

MR and I go over a few hours later to see if Kitty needs anything. Priti is sitting up in the bed and grabs my hand and whispers “thank you” and starts to cry. I pat her hand and tell her it’s ok, no problem, but she just closes her eyes. I look back and realize that’s the last thing she ever said to me.

Not four days later, the ambulance shows back up to the door and they wheel Priti back out and load her up. MR wasn’t home so I called him and told him what’s going on. He calls Kitty and she said she couldn’t take care of Priti- it was too hard getting her on the commode, she fell, Kitty fell, everyone’s falling. She asks MR if he can take her back to the hospital that evening. 

They tell Kitty that Priti needs to go to hospice. There’s that word again. Kitty freaks out and shuts completely down, just silently sobbing with her eyes shut. MR asks if they’ve done anything about beneficiaries and Kitty snaps at him saying Priti’s long lost brother (or brother-in-law?) will probably get everything. Not helpful in the slightest. Then she starts sobbing how Priti can’t die, she needs to get a liver transplant, now. At this point, no one is paying her any mind, just asking her where she wants Priti to go. Ultimately she picks a hospice in the Bronx (!) and they start the paperwork to get her there.

MR (bless his heart) researches hotels in the area of the hospice for her since she’s going to be with her friend the entire time (she says). They book a room and MR drives her to the Bronx and gets her settled in. Turns out she didn’t see Priti until the following day because Kitty took advantage of the running water in the bathtub and took a bath/shower and ordered room service and drank the bottle of wine she brought with her. There was an issue getting to the hospice, the front desk had to call a cab (she thought she could walk/use her rollater) but eventually she got there.

Unfortunately, Priti died the next day.

My Hoarder Friends- Day 105 and Day 106

105) The phone rang at 5:28 am and woke me up. I checked it and it was Priti. I feel terrible about this, but I went back to bed. Boundaries have been set and I’m not answering the phone and running over there because someone fell down.

I had just dozed off then the dog started barking like crazy and I realized there was someone at the door. It was Priti. In pajamas.

She told me she needed help with Kitty and I cut her off gently and told her to call 911. Again, boundaries. She said there was no need for that, she just needed help getting Kitty up. MR got up and was behind me and said, “Okay, let’s go” so I didn’t really have an excuse. I told her we would meet her over there.

Dressed and masked, we went in and met Priti on the stairs. She was crying and saying she was sorry and we were the last people she wanted to call about this. So…who exactly was she going to call (no one) and at least she realized that the last issues with them revolved around the same scenario. Whatever, though. Let’s do this. I asked if she was naked and she said she didn’t have on pants. Thank goodness for small favors, I guess.

Kitty was literally flailing around on the bed, delusional, trying to place a foot somewhere to get footing to get up. She knocked more stuff around (still hadn’t picked up the stuff knocked down from last time). Her eyes were closed and she kept heaving and trying to sit up to stand, so I asked her what she wanted to do. She mumbled something and said “cheese”. It took everything in me not to laugh.

I started picking stuff up out of her “path” including a shopping bag with an empty bottle of wine. I asked MR for a box and he scouted one downstairs and I put everything in the way into the box. In the month that I haven’t been there, they definitely backslid a lot. When the path was clear, I grabbed her hand and tried to get her up, but she was very shaky and fell back onto the bed. When MR tried, she put her foot on his chest to try to gain some traction. He turned around to Priti asked what we were trying to accomplish here and she said she wanted to get Kitty downstairs. There was no way that was happening in her state so I suggested she call 911. If she didn’t do it, I was.

As much as I know she hated to do that, she did call and help got there in about five minutes. The first responder up the stair was rightfully aghast at the condition of her room but did focus on Kitty and tried to assess what was going on. He felt her knee and said she was burning up, so he called to the other EMT and said to get a chair- the chair had treads made to work on stairs. He turned back to Kitty and she coughs in his face. He curses and asks for a mask- I tell them they’re by the front door. They bring one up and we mask her but she pulls it off.

The next few minutes were spent trying to get Kitty calmed down (all with her eyes closed) and on the chair without grabbing onto anything and putting her feet out. They were concerned because she was flailing and risked falling out of the chair. They finally tied her legs together with a sheet and bumped her down the stairs, all the way down she put out her arms and grabbing anything she could. When they got her to the bottom, she grabbed MR’s shirt and would not let go so he walked out with her, down the front steps and stayed with her (not that he had a choice) until EMT was able to get her onto the gurney on the lawn.

While they were sliding her down the stairs, I peeked into Priti’s room and saw four empty wine bottles on the floor and a stack of glasses with wine dregs. I knew they had started drinking again because I saw her struggling with a heavy bag getting out of the car on a daily basis. This is a woman who needs a liver transplant and Kitty is on Oxycotin, why are they drinking? I met her downstairs sitting on the arm of the couch and she’s crying again with her head in her hands and saying “what am I going to do?”

MR comes back in and said they’re taking her to Mercy. Priti goes ballistic and runs out of the house and tells them to take her to Winthrop, that’s where all her doctors are. MR and I are waiting in the doorway while she talks to the ambulance driver and he tells me they handcuffed Kitty to the gurney for her own protection. All of a sudden the ambulance driver is yelling at Priti that they need to clean up their house because they can’t get equipment inside. She dismisses him and he says it again. And again. She turns around and tells him he’s a piece of work and he yells “Clean your house!”. She walks away, shaking and comes back into the house and bursts into tears. “Can you believe what he said?” she asks? Well, he’s not wrong, I tell her. He didn’t have to be rude about it, but he’s not wrong. She said she’s sick of all this and I tell her at least she has a new roof, haha. (I don’t do well with crying people.) I rub her back and ask her what she thinks caused this episode and she said she didn’t know. I said maybe it’s the combo of wine and drugs and she said “we’re not drinking”.

What?

I told her I saw the empty wine bottle in Kitty’s room and the four in her room and she again said they’re not drinking. Okay, I don’t play with deluded people so I tell her to call me when she hears something. She apologizes again and I let myself out.

Later that day, Kitty calls and leaves me a message and she sounds perfectly normal, for Kitty. It’s like Jekyll and Hyde. She asks me to check on Priti because her contacts were wiped out and she doesn’t have our number (?) I call Priti because I’m not ready to talk to Kitty just yet- no answer. I try again a few times in the afternoon and finally she answers groggily and tells us Kitty may have pneumonia. I ask how she’s doing and she trails off her sentences and I get the feeling she’s either drunk or on something. I ask when she saw Kitty (she must have because Kitty had her phone) and she said earlier in the morning. Okay, call me if you need anything. Click, she hangs up. I call Kitty, no answer, so I try that evening and finally get through to her and all she is concerned about is Priti. Why isn’t either of them concerned about the way Kitty was acting that morning? It’s like everyone forgot…

106) I call Priti to check up on her. She sounds more lucid than yesterday and said Kitty had a fever of 104 when she got to the Emergency Room. She’s on antibiotics (for what, you may ask? They’re not saying, but I have my suspicions) and she’s feeling a lot better, she may be going home tomorrow. Good. I don’t have to pick anyone up and I don’t have to gather clothes. I like boundaries.

My Hoarder Friends- Day 95

(I’m not really sure of the exact date, but it was not long after Day 77…)

I don’t remember if it was Priti or Kitty who asked Zombiegirl to help them with their phone. She went over to their house to unlock/find/change a password and they asked her to drive them to the doctor. Each “ask” of Zombiegirl led to another…please pick up my prescriptions, please pick up booze, please take me to the eyeglass place. Z-girl used their brand new car- they managed to finally donate both cars and they dragged MR with them to the car dealership to buy a brand new, 4-wheel drive, room in the trunk for dog crates (in case they start showing dogs again), $450 a month SUV. This was the car Priti said she wanted, didn’t look at another car, didn’t test drive it, didn’t bat an eye plunking down a down payment.

So Zombiegirl did their errands and drove them around in their car. They slipped her some cash, which helped since she was in her last year of college.

Then they asked her to come help them clean. I was replaced.

I was happy for her, honestly. They were paying her, and giving her lots of their crap, and they were a lot nicer to her than they were to me. Because Z-girl didn’t clap back at them. She yessed them to death and she was nice to them. I’m not saying I wasn’t nice, but I pushed. Apparently a little too hard.

Anywho, she went over there almost every night and took out the garbage and organized and unpacked and shopped for them. The only time I saw Priti was when she made a mid-day run to the liquor store for two giant bottles of wine (yes, I could tell they were wine and yes, I saw them because my home “office” is the dining room table at the front of the house). Zombiegirl made some bank, sold some of their stuff for them on eBay and all was going good for a month or so…

Until Kitty opened her mouth.

I’ll take this moment to tell you that Kitty “reiterated” our fight to Z-girl. I put that in quotes because it wasn’t EXACTLY what happened, it was HER version of what happened. Zombiegirl was smart enough to realize this and again, yessed her but never outright agreed with her because she knew exactly what had happened. She listened to the lonely woman complain about her mother for a few days. When Kitty wasn’t getting the response she wanted, she came right out and asked Z-girl if she thinks they should look into assisted living. 

My daughter is (was) 24. What does she know about assisted living? Why would someone ask a 24-year-old that question?

Zombiegirl came back with an answer like, if assisted living would improve your situation, maybe look into it? Not those exact words, but something to that effect.

Big mistake. Kitty went up one side and down the other and Z-girl never saw it coming. She gave her every (unasked for) argument for not going into assisted living (like we could make decisions for them). When Kitty gets going, she gets nasty. She unleashed her fury on this poor girl, accusing her and our family of trying to force them out of their home, stealing things and everything opposite of the help we’ve been giving them. Zombiegirl left and came home crying.

When she walked in, I asked her what happened (I got all the previous arguments at this time). I saw red and my mama bear instinct clicked on. I called Kitty and asked why my daughter was in tears. Again, I got the same “I don’t know what’s wrong, I didn’t do anything” excuses from her. We sparred for awhile, with my daughter chiming in but you can’t argue with an addict. Their views are skewed and you will not convince them to see straight. The best we could do was to cut ties. I told her (with permission from the kid) that Z-girl will no longer be helping her and that she’s burning all her bridges.

Priti didn’t even get involved in this one. We’re not even sure she heard what was going on.

Now there is only one mark left. Did you see what I did there? IYKYK…

My Hoarder Friends- Day 77

I don’t know what to do with all my free time, lol.

It was a few days of mixed emotions- anger, indignation, relief and joy. I didn’t like being unceremoniously dumped after all I’d done for them, and I knew there was still such a long way to go. I didn’t like the way Kitty always plays the victim and is so childish in the way she deals with adversity. I did like having my evenings back and I did like being home to do my things and not have to worry about someone else not related to me.

My joy was short lived.

Kitty calls me on some bogus pretense of needing something (I honestly don’t remember) and immediately launches the blame of our argument on to me. She said I was probably in a bad mood because I wasn’t going to see the grandkids again. She tells me that she is the bigger person because she is the one that called first and she doesn’t understand why I keep suggesting that they go into assisted living. It wasn’t the first time I brought it up and she doesn’t want me to ever bring it up again. I came back with the fact that I am nobody to them, I can’t force them to do anything so why should it matter what I say? Again, she’s the bigger person for calling, blah blah blah and she kept going on and on about me getting upset and slamming down my laptop and walking out.

Huh?

I told her that she was the one that got upset and after I apologized and said I would never bring it up again, SHE slammed the box she was working on and told me they didn’t need my help. She said she never said that.

Ok. I must be imagining things.

We argued back and forth, me stating the truth and her claiming she never said any of that. She made a huge deal about being the first one to call and I said “Kudos to you, Kitty. Kudos for being the bigger person.” I kind of said it over and over because she wouldn’t shut up until finally I called her a liar and told her she was acting childish because she doesn’t know how to deal with people or have an adult conversation with people anymore. At this point all we’re doing is talking over each other, me saying “Kudos” (don’t ask me why, it’s what I hung onto while I was upset) and her saying she’s not a liar, I walked out, I’m the one who’s being childish.

It was all very childish and not one of proudest moments.

I had enough. We weren’t getting anywhere so I told her that I’m done arguing, call me if they have an emergency and I hung up the phone. Then burst into tears. Then got angry. Then cried again. This is what the crazy ladies do to me.

That night, there’s a knock on the door and there stands Priti. I invite her in and she bursts into tears and says we have to stop fighting. She tells me that Kitty doesn’t lie (bullshit) and whatever happened between us should be forgotten because I’ve done so much for them and she doesn’t want bad blood between them. I forget that I’m speaking to the mentally ill, drugged and drunk and delusional, but I forge ahead anyway and say Kitty most certainly does lie, everything she said was skewed and not at all what happened. I know I should have just let it go, but no one stands up to these two, they’re always the victim and I KNOW how it will play out. If I let it go, they’ll tell the story about how they were right, I was wrong and in their minds they were justified and I’m the evil one. They’ve done it to their niece, their doctors, their sisters, their parents, their phone service people, their bank tellers, their roofers- everyone. I can vouch for the service people, I’ve seen that shit firsthand.

But I don’t let it go. I’m not on pills, my memory is not impaired and I tell that to Priti. I tell her exactly what happened and how I was kicked out and that’s fine, I was done with them anyway. She cries and says no, we need your help. Nope, sorry, I won’t go where I’m not wanted. I told her I love them but I can’t help them any longer and I saw her to the door. 

My Hoarder Friends- Day 74

As soon as the grandkids left, I did a little work and called Kitty to check up on her. She said she was feeling better and not a word of what went on a few days prior. We arranged for me to come over at around 4:30. I had told her the day before that I was going to bring my computer and we would work on ordering a new car title for her car and Priti’s car, so when I spoke to her that day, she said that she had been on the other side of her bed because she saw what looked like a file box and she thought the title might have been in there.

When I arrived, Kitty was already sitting at the dining room table, trying to open the file box. I put their mail down (she didn’t acknowledge my bringing it in, so it’s probably still there) and sat next to her and opened my laptop.

Which promptly died.

So, I closed my laptop and we made small talk. It was the last day I was going to see the kids because Laney started pre-K and they were on winter break. I told her I was sad, but we had a fun day. She’s still trying to get into the file box, and I haven’t spoked to her since Day 70, the naked floor pick up, so I asked her about her health and if she was planning on going to the doctor. I also brought up the conversation MR and I had during the six-hour drive to PA a couple of days before- alternative living situations.

Let’s face it- they have a hard time taking care of themselves and their house. One can barely walk and the other one is constantly falling. Kitty has diabetes, is overweight and is on pain medication (several types of the strong stuff). Priti has liver disease, has turned down a transplant twice and falls and bruises terribly. On Day 1, you’ll remember, she had broken her pelvis and her shoulder. They have lived in a state of hoarding for at least 15 years, possibly more. They’re sloppy (don’t clean up their mess or just don’t see it), Kitty buys stuff to fill a void her family has left, Priti is too proud to ask for any kind of help and their house is falling apart around them and all they do is stick temporary bandages on it. So I thought I would once again bring up assisted living, senior care and/or retirement villages- the next logical step in taking care of themselves.

I went through my spiel as Kitty fumbled with her box. She gave a few arguments to which I had answers. I reinterated that I have no skin in this game, and I just want what’s best for them both. I used her confused fall a few days before as the perfect example as to why they need so much more help than I can give, or they can give each other. She said Priti would never go for it (she deflects blames a lot on Priti) and they don’t want to give up their independence (some places let you take your own car). She also looked around and said “what am I going to do with all this stuff? (as if it all magically appeared?) When I told her we would help them and maybe they should get a storage unit, she came back (rather nastily) that would the point in that be? They might as well trash it all (huh? how does that make sense?). Then she asked how much it would cost to live in a place like that (I gave her several examples- and I didn’t do any monetary research, but they have the money and if they sold the house, they could finance any life style they wanted). I told her probably as much as her mortgage and she said “Oh no. Our mortgage is very low.” So I asked ($1800) and she said, “besides, we’re going to refinance the house”. I told her good luck with that, refinancing requires an inspection (ours did) and she said the last time they did, there was no inspection. We went back and forth with examples of a better lifestyle (beauty salon, restaurants, A DOG) and she had a comeback for everything.

Well, I guess I poked the bear too much because all of a sudden she slams down the box and crosses her arms and tightens her lips. Doesn’t say another thing. This grown-ass woman actually pouts better than my seven-year-old granddaughter. So I apologized for bringing it up, and said I won’t say another word, forget I even said anything. She still doesn’t speak so I get up, rub her arm and apologize again and said I’m going to check the stove in the kitchen, because since we cleaned off everything on top of the stove, Priti tried to turn it on and couldn’t. While I’m in there, she starts saying, in a very weird voice, that the stove is broken, they should have replaced everything years ago, etc. etc. I can’t figure out what Priti did to the stove, so I go in to the dining room and sit back down.

Kitty closes her eyes and says, “Mamasoo, I don’t think we’re going to need your help here any more. Priti and I will work together to fix up the house”.

Um, what, excuse me? I asked if she was kicking me out and she said, very sweetly, “No! I’m not kicking you out! We just don’t need your help anymore”.

All righty, then. I gathered up my laptop and my phone and I looked at her and said, “Fine, I’m going to go. You guys call me if you need anything”.

And just like that, we’re done.

My Hoarder Friends- Day 70

Part 1:

The phone rang at 5:12 am, waking me up. I didn’t reach it in time before it went to voicemail, but I saw that it was Priti. I sighed, and went back to bed- if it was life-threatening, she would call MR. I’m trying out the boundary thing, not jumping the minute they call. As I lay in bed listening for MR’s phone, my phone rings again. I guess I’m committed now, probably important.

Priti says Kitty fell on her way to the bathroom and she can’t help her up. Also that she’s deluded and confused. And naked.

I guess that means that MR won’t be going over with me.

I tell her I’ll be there in a few and I go wake up the kind, patient, wonderful husband and tell him what happened and that I’m going over and I’ll call him.

Their front door is open and waiting. When I enter I hear the girls arguing upstairs, Priti doing most of the yelling. I catch her eye while I climb the stairs and she bursts into tears, saying Kitty’s running a fever and she’s been on the floor all night yelling for someone to help her. Why I wasn’t called sooner is a question I’ll save for later, after the trauma.

I turn the corner to Kitty’s room and there she is, splayed out nekkid against all the crap piled in her bedroom, I try to help her up, but she fights me and literally scoots herself, inch by inch, into the bathroom, not in any methodical way, more like a drunken slug oozing and feeling it’s way to it’s destiny. Destiny: the bathroom.

She manages to get into the bathroom where she attempts to get on all fours and pull herself up that way. Her feet slid across the tile, she’s getting no purchase. She gets back onto her bottom in a sitting position and slithers her feet further into things, opening up the wounds she has on her feet, now there are streaks of blood on the ceramic floor.

The whole time she’s journeying to the bathroom, I’m trying to talk to her, trying to get her to stop, trying to calm Priti down, toss stuff out of her way and calling MR because this is more woman than I can handle. We finally get her to stay still so I can get her nightshirt on. Seriously, my granddaughter at 2 years old having a bad day was easier to dress than Kitty. Two tries and I finally got her shirt on just as MR came upstairs. We each take an armpit and hoist her up against the shower doors so she can hang on. She needs to go to the bathroom so we slowly walk her back, holding her up so that she’s close to the potty and as I lift her nightshirt, MR eases her down. He hangs out in her room while she pees and when she’s done, I give her her cane and help her back to bed. Feet up, blanket on, light out and breathe. As I look around, I see that the clean path we had made is now littered with papers, water bottles, clothing and other detritus. I scoop everything out of the way, cursing under my breath because once again, she’s backsliding.

Priti sits on the shower stool with her head in her hands crying. There is no way she can pick her friend off the floor. She tells me that Kitty might have a UTI (again) and that’s why she was incoherent- she was burning up with a fever. She did feel warm to me, but not hot enough to cause her to act that way. If I didn’t know better, I would think she was drinking again, but I didn’t smell alcohol. Maybe she took too many pain meds. I don’t know, but what I saw scared me.

Part 2:

Of course, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I researched adult retirement villages, assisted living situations and how to help Hoarders. As I was coming back in from feeding the chickens, around 7:15, the phone rang. It was Priti.

“She fell again going to the bathroom- I asked her if she was alright to go and she said yes, but she fell over her nightstand.”

“I’ll be right there.” I didn’t even bother waking up MR, I figured I could do this myself.

When I got there, Priti was yelling at Kitty (which wasn’t even registering with her, that’s how out of it she was). She was on her side in the bedroom, her Tiffany lamp on the floor, broken, crap everywhere except the nightstand top. I tried hefting her up myself and she was just a dead weight- not helping, just arguing that she can’t do it. So once again, she began her slow ooze into the bathroom, me right behind her on the phone to MR, hoping he hears his phone in the other room. Thankfully he does and he says he’ll be right there.

This time there is blood coming out of her arm and her other foot, not anywhere near a wound. I suspect that she cut herself on the lamp, but I couldn’t see any glass pieces missing. I lean her up against my legs and stroke her temples and pat her hair. She needs a shower and a shampoo, desperately. Every so often she moves as if to get up and we tell her MR is on the way, stay still. After squirming around and trying to get closer to the toilet, I yell at her “SIT, STAY!”. The dog person that she is obeys and is quiet until MR comes to the rescue.

We do a repeat of the dance we did a few hours earlier and get her on the toilet. MR brings some boxes that migrated upstairs back down because they’re just another tripping hazard. I watch her on the toilet and when she’s done, she reaches down and picks up a shirt, which I thought she was going to wipe blood up with. No, she wipes herself with the shirt…

I yell “what are you doing? That’s a shirt you’re wiping with!” She tells me there’s nothing else to use and I walk over and put her hand on the toilet tissue roll. “You use THAT.” Now I know to wear gloves ALL the time when dealing with their (literal) crap.

Once again we get her to bed and I go downstairs to get her some water because Priti wants to give her Tylenol. There is not a clean glass in the kitchen and they’re all out of water bottles. I’m so disgusted at this point, add to that they’ve let things slide three steps backwards. I wash out a mug and bring it to her.

Priti is wrapping her bloody foot with gauze and propping it up. She thanks us over and over, and Kitty chimes in and yells “thank you”. I tell her she needs to get her to a doctor, and if she doesn’t make an appointment I’m calling 911 to get her out of the house. She assures me she will.

The power/caretaker roles shift once again. It’s interesting and frustrating to watch.

It Was A Very Good Year- 2023

-2023, the Chinese Year of the Rabbit. Both MR and I were born under that sign so that means we both turned 60. How is that possible?

-In January, I threw MR a surprise birthday party that he didn’t want. I must have glossed over that fact while I was planning it. Anyway, it was at the Indian restaurant we went to for our 25th Anniversary. The food was good, the friends were great, most of the family came and he was surprised. I was a wreck.

-For his actual birthday, I splurged on some good seats for an Islanders game and put a birthday wish up on the Jumbotron. We were going to have his birthday at the UBS Arena, but the price was 5 times what I paid for his party.

-Speaking of the Islanders, Zombiegirl and her boyfriend went with us to one game, MR and I went to another game on Valentine’s Day, Zombiegirl, Utah and I went over the Spring break and MR and Zombiegirl went 3 or 4 times more together. Z-girl got very into the team- it’s nice she and her dad could share that passion.

-We moved Utah and Kevkev into the new house that they are renting from her friend. It’s big, it has a beautiful deck and I hope they will be very happy there and not have to move anytime soon.

-I went to Boy’s “Broadway Bound” open house gym. It was a showcase of the stuff 2nd graders do at gym set to Broadway showtunes. It was very cute and our boy can really jump!

-Our friends started a mobile pet spa so our dogs got their nails done and a bath. Archietheboy didn’t mind, but it was Pretzelthegirl’s first time and she was a little scared.

-Zombiegirl and I flew to Jacksonville to see Greta Van Fleet (we’re becoming groupies). We went to the Jacksonville Zoo that day, broke down in the rental car (fiasco) then went to see the band at the VyStar Veterans Memorial Arena that night. The next day we went to the Tree Hill Nature Center and flew home that afternoon.

-Zombiegirl celebrated her 24th birthday!

-The Youngers and I went to an Islanders game.

-We did two craft shows in April with stuff we made with the laser. It rained both times so the turnout wasn’t very good. I made a nice connection with another laser woman. We started the laser business- SKAMP (ours plus the dogs initials). We opened a website and now take credit cards!

-My friend Kat and I went shopping for diapers and wipes and paper goods for the local church paper pantry and we assisted the police department in their Prescription Drug Take Back day, all through the Lions Club.

-Staying with the Lions, I was nominated as 1st VP and Service Chair and Kat was nominated to the Board of Directors. They’re looking for new ideas- I hope I don’t let them down.

-I celebrated my 60th birthday by going to the gym early in the morning, getting my birthday Starbucks, doing a little shopping and getting a two hour massage in a salt cave. We celebrated at night with the family and ordered Chinese food. I made a flourless chocolate cake for the first (and probably last) time.

-Our chicken, Tina passed away. We don’t know why. She was such and awesome girl- always the first one out of the run, looking for worms with MR, always curious. She was one of the “brownies” and one of the youngest. She will be missed.

-We celebrated Easter at Utah’s new house. We missed the kids because they went to Disney with John’s family (again), but Dad came over and the food was good and we ate too much.

-We celebrated Dad’s 87th birthday at our house with the family. We had pizza and a chocolate cake with Mom’s crunchy white icing. I found her handwritten recipe in all the recipes Dad gave me and nailed it. (I am now sorry I asked for this frosting every year for my birthday because it was a royal pain in the ass to make.) Dad got lots of tools for gifts.

-Memorial Day weekend was wonderful! For my birthday, the girls gave me tickets for all of us to see Sweeney Todd on Broadway and to make candles at Lanterne Lab in Chinatown. We headed there first, then walked around the neighborhood waiting for them to set, searching for pork buns. We went in bakeries (sold out) and then waited on a long line (use cash!) for buns I haven’t had since my HPD days. The Youngers got weird flavored Doritos and Kit Kats and boba and Thai Iced Tea. By then our wonderful smelling candles were ready to be picked up and we headed uptown for dinner. After seeing the line for the Stardust Diner, we plan B’d it to Haswell Greens for nachos, burrata and bread, quesidillas, garlic fries and sweet potato fries. I got a Silver Screen cocktail (toffee washed bourbon, cherry coke and 3D bitters), because Haswell’s is a great place for cocktails. Sweeney Todd was absolutely fantastic! Josh Groban, Annaleigh Ashford (Kinkyboots) and Gaten Matarazzo were wonderful!

-We got our living room, dining room and hallway floors redone. They’re a beautiful scratch-resistant, waterproof luxury vinyl plank. The contractors were nice but sub-par and the Tile Shop was aggravating to work with but eventually they got done and I’m over the moon happy with the results, mostly. I’m not crazy how they handled the uneven floor due to settling but I can live with it. The sub-par contractors also fixed the hole in the upstairs hallway where we had a leak.

-And because we got new flooring, we tossed my great-grandmother’s china cabinet and buffets that we were using in the kitchen as an appliance stand and as a TV stand in the living room. It broke my heart but I did try to rehome them. No one wants the dark, bulky furniture any more. Now we have two couches and a mid-century modern TV console and a new piece in the kitchen. I downsized a lot of crap and the rest fits nicely into what we got. A new color paint in the dining room really brightened everything up and the plant stands are perfect for my plants.

-I went to Boy’s end of year fun-day at their local park. I went last year so he asked me to go with them this year. Another child threw a water balloon right in his face- several hundred napkins later to staunch his bloody nose (and absolutely NO ONE asking if he was alright)- Boy went back to playing like a trooper.

-We celebrated Father’s day with a BBQ in the back yard and a driveway game of Cornhole. In fact a lot of our Friday Family Fun Nights ended in a game of Cornhole. MR, Zombiegirl and Boy dominate.

-Summer was fun! MR, Zombiegirl and I went to a Long Island Ducks game, we watched fireworks on the beach with Beena and her many mom friends and kids, we spent a lot of time soaking up the sun at the Beach house and we went to Utah’s house for their first BBQ (the week before we did a lot of gardening in their backyard and built a new fence and gate for their garden). MR and I made the rounds of breweries out East and Ei and I went to the free neighborhood concert featuring a Bangles cover band.

-In August, Zombiegirl and I went to LA for a week. I loved our hotel- The Tommy. We hung out at the rooftop pool every day, played tourist on Hollywood Blvd looking at the stars on the sidewalk, went to museums and Universal (studio tour and amusement park), rented bikes and rode the beach bike trail from Santa Monica to Ventura and did everything she saw on TikTok (Erewhon for expensive smoothies, Instagram photo shoots, etc). We ate well and saw one B-list actor. We did dip our feet in the Pacific Ocean for all of ten seconds.

-For Utah’s birthday we did a sports-themed scavenger hunt with all her friends. I was on the dream team of Zombiegirl, Beena, John and the kids. Of course we won! Mainly because we spotted another team (and took pics) in Dicks Sporting Goods!

-Utah and Kevkev gave me my first grand-pup! Welcome to the family, Stanley! Stanley is a Bichon Frise/Poodle mix so Utah won’t be sneezing when he licks her face.

-The grandkids slept over at the beach house- we beached the first day and went to the aquarium the next day. We had to stop and feed the goats at the lavender farm because Girl is obsessed with goats, lol! I love those kids and I’d take them anywhere.

-Zombiegirl and I saw Greta Van Fleet again- this time close to home- at Madison Square Garden! I will never get tired of this.

-For my 60th birthday, MR booked a trip for me to Bermuda. We stayed at the Cambridge Resort and Spa and took the bus everywhere- into Hamilton, Port Royal, the lighthouse and the Crystal Caves. It was so beautiful and we had such a good time. It was an unforgettable trip and I want to go back!

-For Halloween the kids were a zombie basketball player and a goat. Guess which one was which!

-We started watching KC’s Cal on Tuesdays. It takes a soccer village to help out!

-Girl and I and several of the FP Lions went to NHP Lions Supermarket Bingo. Everyone said how beautiful my granddaughter is (I know) and how well behaved she is (I know). We didn’t win any bingo games but she one two baskets in the raffle!

-Speaking of the Lions, we trained for vision screening, we took back drugs from the community, we donated school supplies to the schools and we donate to the food pantry every month (specific things everyone brings to the meetings).

-Zombiegirl and I went to an Islanders game because MR had Covid. They’ve been to several games so far this year.

-We celebrated Beena’s 35th birthday at their house- how is it possible I have a 35 year old?

-Byso, Kat, MR, Zombiegirl and I saw The Shark Is Broken on Broadway. If you’re a Jaws fan, you would have loved this play. Z-girl was cute- she didn’t realize Broadway wasn’t all musicals! Alex Brightman (Beetlejuice) is my new crush, lol.

-Utah, Zombiegirl, KevKev and I went to see Spamalot on Broadway. First we went to Peachy Keen for brunch and I was accused of getting drunk on the (very strong) mimosas. Burrata and biria set us off on a laughing fit (again, not drunk). The play was incredible- just as good as when we saw it 16 years ago!

-During my annual physical, my doctor recommended an anti-inflammatory and sumatriptan for my migraines. I’ve taken them when I’ve woken up with a migraine and with the addition of a little more sleep, the migraine is gone in about 20 minutes. I haven’t taken them when I get an aura (the telltale start of my migraine), but I’m hopeful they’ll work miracles for those times as well.

-Zombiegirl and I did the same craft sales we did in the Spring. The first one was dismal- we won’t be doing that one again. The second one was a two-day event- we did really well on Saturday and okay on Sunday.

-After the Saturday craft sale, we went to Beena’s for Girl’s family birthday party. It was a puppy party and we gave her a nightstand, lamp and chair for her room. I can’t believe she’s seven!

-I left Zombiegirl at above-mentioned craft sale on Sunday to help Beena with Girl’s 7th kid birthday party. We painted door hangers that I lasered for 11 kids- rainbows for the girls and video games for the boys. It was a lot of fun, her friends are so funny! Some of the kids really did a nice job and some (looking at you Ryder) were disastrous. Landon thought I was cool (I helped him paint his many pieces) and Emily’s was a beautiful sunset color. Girl was adorable as usual and gave me a hug to thank me when I left to go back to the craft sale. Beena said we made a great team. ❤

-That same weekend was opening weekend so MR went up to the property. He saw a coyote, but nothing else.

-The whole week from before the craft sale to right after Thanksgiving, I suffered from a bad head cold. Lost my sense of taste and smell, bad cough and general exhaustion. The Covid test was negative (MR’s was positive from a few weeks prior). A few days after Thanksgiving I started feeling better, but that cough lingered.

-Six FP Lions and myself baked treats for the NHP Ronald McDonald house. We made <hot mess> Turkey cupcakes (Pinterest fail), Brookies (brownie cookies) and Pumpkin Spice Chex mix. It was the first time cooking for some of these ladies and they already want to do it again in the Spring. We also donated 18 Warmies- lion stuffies that you can heat in the microwave and they smell like lavender.

-Thanksgiving was really nice with the whole family. MR spatchcocked the turkey and Utah brought baked ziti. Beena and Girl made brownies and brought rolls and Z-girl bought the pies. Note to self: have real milk, don’t have pies and set heavy flatware at the end of the table.

-In March I started the 52 Week Book Club Challenge and finished it in early November. The goal is to read one book a week using their prompts, which are a lot of fun. With the help from Utah and Beena and the Facebook group, I found a lot of new authors I like as well as a few new genres I can get behind. I’m doing the 2024 Challenge and already have a few books picked out.

-Started doing 10 Daily Things. 1) Go through pictures, delete 20 2) Daily games (Sudoku, Wordle, etc.) 3) Add one thing to website 4) Get rid of two things 5) Do something that’s been hanging around 6) Put one thing on Etsy or Ebay 7) Unfollow five people or accounts on Social Media 8) Delete 10 emails in old account 9) Deal with 10 emails in old account (save pictures, write recipes, etc.) 10) Blog. For the holiday season I added two more: Go through one Christmas box until done and Wrap any gifts. I hold myself accountable and check things off as I do them throughout the day. It doesn’t take long- putting shit on eBay takes all of 5 minutes. As a result I’ve made a few sales, thrown out or donated a lot and am happier on SM because I see content I want to see.

-The last craft fair (by myself- Z-girl had to work) was profitable. I almost didn’t make it because I threw my back out the night before at Friday Family Fun night. It was a close decision whether or not I wanted to throw the cost of the table away, but I went. The coordinator was really nice but traffic was slow. We sold mostly to other vendors, lol.

-We celebrated the Lions Holiday Dinner at Villa D’Este. The District Governor from Bermuda was able to make it as well as Elliot K from the Lions Eye Bank. MR made a 92-year old friend (who sat on his lap- we have pictures) and we collected toys for Tricia’s Kids and the food was good and we had a good time talking to normal folks. Unfortunately, MR’s “girlfriend” developed Covid right after that. We wish her a speedy recovery!

-The 103848th Annual Cookie Exchange was held at Utah’s house this year. I invited my Lion friends (old and new) and the cookies were good and the games were fun and the wine was cold. I told the daughters they have my permission to slap me if I suggest having a cookie party next year. Stick a fork in us, we are done. I think next year we’ll just take a weekend and bake our own cookies.

-Since Boy is now in 3rd grade, clubs and before/after school activities are available. He signed up for chorus and leadership club and computer club. His chorus (and band and orchestra) had their Holiday Concert and it was surprisingly good for 3rd and 4th graders who just started learning their instruments and singing two months ago. I was asked to represent and my favorite song was a mashup of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree and Rock Around The Clock.

-Zombiegirl and Kenneth went on a 7-day Oasis of the Sea cruise two weeks before Christmas. It was her first time cruising. MR kept telling her not to get off the boat in Labadee, Haiti, but they loved that beach the best.

-Zombiegirl filled a ferret-size hole in her heart (her words) and found a baby ferret in the color she wanted…in Ohio. She and MR flew in to Indianapolis three days before Christmas, rented a car and drove to a hotel near Cincinnati. The next day they picked up the teeny baby and drove 11 hours home with her cuddled in Z-girl’s sweatshirt. My Grand-ferret’s name is Chai and she hates my feet and bites my face, but she’s stinking adorable and a bundle of energy. I didn’t know ferrets eat meat so we shopped for organs and bone meat and spent a few hours breaking it down into daily baggies for her am and pm feeding. We’re taking care of her while Zombiegirl and Kenneth leave for NYE weekend for Sam and Brian’s wedding.  I’m wearing steel-toed shoes, lol.

-Christmas was very nice- we had the whole family here for an earlyish dinner, which we catered from Stew Leonard’s. It was nice not having to worry about cooking- I just did the appetizers and popped the food into the oven. I loved all my presents- end tables and an Anders Lee Islanders jersey and a crock pot and Fiestaware and a journal for the 2024 52 Week book club. The kids (and Utah) loved the dino chicken nuggets I made for them (I had to drive way out east to pick up the material). Best of all, we decided to do a Secret Santa next year with the adults to lessen the amount of spending and gifts, because it really does get crazy.

-Zombiegirl and I went into the city on my last day of vacation for lunch in the Bryant Park Winter Wonderland. We ate Malaysian chicken satay skewers from Padi D’NYC and Korean corn dogs from Lazy Dog and popcorn chicken bao from Bao Kaya. It was crowded but festive and it was nice to just zip in to the city for lunch and walk around eating from different vendors.

-I took off work between Christmas and New Year’s, and didn’t really do anything except watch The Office. I did finish the Halloween scrap book, hemmed Z-girl’s bridesmaid dress and worked on the Christmas scrap book that’s been laying on the floor of the spare bedroom for years. I mainly organized, purged and cleaned during the week, so it was not only restful but mindfully productive.

-Lastly, we spent New Year’s Eve at Beena’s house with the family, speed playing through the 13 games Utah brought (we only got to six or seven, but we found some new favorites), eating many, many appetizers and trying to stay awake until midnight.

It was a very good year! Bring on 2024!