1. I can’t use toilet seat paper liners. I don’t know why- I can’t get them to work.
2. I’m a coffee freak.
3. I dunk chocolate cookies in ice water instead of milk.
4. I lost my virginity by accident.
5. I destroy my cuticles. I pick at them when I’m nervous, when I’m bored, or when I’m talking to someone.
6. I can’t balance my checkbook. Bank statements are a mystery to me. I end up bouncing more checks than I should.
7. If I’m ever in a boating accident and a shark devours me and leaves my foot, I can be identified by a freckle on the underside of my second toe on my right foot. Zombiegirl has the same freckle.
8. I have exactly 3 scars. Only 2 are visible.
9. I can’t lie to my kids. They always know.
10. I cry at commercials, weddings, certain hymns and sappy movies.
11. I pass out when it gets too hot. I’ve passed out at my Junior High School Graduation, and a few times in church.
12. I have a fear of driving over bridges. I’ll do it, but I’m not happy about it.
13. I collect Fiestaware (Vintage and Post-86). I probably have over 300 pieces.
14. I read voraciously. My commute is 2 hours each way by bus and train, so I could plow through two books a week. Sometimes I read a book commuting, a book at home, and a book at our beach house. All at the same time. I usually don’t retain much of what I’ve read. It’s mostly an escapist moment for me.
15. My family owns a beach house in a little community on the North Shore of Long Island, NY. It’s my sanity. Just thinking about it calms me. It’s a 2 block walk to the private beach of Long Island Sound, and the house is comfortable- sandy and fishy.
16. I’ve started 2 businesses, and pretty much failed at both of them. I owned an incorporated kid’s party place, which I had to close when my evil landlady raised my rent, and a home based business selling Adult Toys. From one end of the rainbow to the other. Advice to anyone opening a business? Take stock of how much capital you need, then double it.
17. I wear glasses.
18. I’ve perfected my cross stitch method, kind of a “speed method”. I can knock out a counted cross stitch pattern in practically half the time as usual, and anywhere- on the bus, at work, or on the train.
19. I don’t have a favorite food, specifically. My favorite type of food is Indian. The spicier the better.
20. Speaking of spicy, I put hot sauce on almost everything, and have a pretty high tolerance for Scoville Units.
21. I listen to show tunes when I’m home by myself.
22. I’ve never had a bikini wax, lip wax or a brazilian. From what I hear, I’m lucky.
23. Well, not really lucky. I can count on one hand the amount of things I’ve won. I used to be so jealous of the girls down the block. They were the ones always winning bikes and stuff. I truly believe that if I scratch an instant lottery ticket, I won’t win. I’m better off giving it to Biggz- she usually wins something. Zombiegirl has also, in all of her 9 years, won more things than I have in my lifetime.
24. At one time in my life, I wanted all boys. I got all girls. Now I’m glad.
25. I regret not breastfeeding my older 2 girls. The decision was purely selfish- I wanted my Ex-Asshole to share in the feeding of the babies. I didn’t know about pumping, and using breastmilk in a bottle. All I knew was that baby-feeding was NOT going to fall solely on me, like everything else in our sorry-ass marriage.
26. I watch tons of cooking shows, collect recipes, buy cooking utensils- but my cooking sucks.
27. I love looking in people’s windows when I drive by their homes. I am obsessed about how other people decorate. A perfect night for me would be for Mr. to drive while I look in everyone’s windows in my neighborhood, maybe while sipping wine.
28. Speaking of wine- I can’t drink red wine. A migraine will hit me the next day if I have one glass of red wine. So I drink white. Or anything else. The only red wine I can drink without suffering the consequences of migraines is the spicy wine at our Indian Restaurant.
29. I wanted to become an architect because I was loved the Brady Bunch. If Mike Brady could support 6 kids, a huge house, a housekeeper and go on cool vacations on an architect’s salary, that’s what I wanted to be. Plus, I always like carrying around rolls of plans.
30. When I was in grade school, my parents had me convinced spaghetti grew on trees. There was a commercial that showed Italians harvesting spaghetti from trees. At the end of the commercial, someone held up a napkin that said “Spaghetti doesn’t really grow on trees.” My parents always got me out of the room before that napkin went up, and had me going for a few years.
31. I’m a klutz. I fall upstairs, downstairs, walking, riding. I never seriously hurt myself, though. It runs in the family.
32. I haven’t worn a belt in 20 years. My belly won’t allow it.
33. My favorite colors are chartreuse and tangerine. They are also the names of 2 colors in the Fiestaware line.
34. I can ride a unicycle. I had one as a kid.
35. I’ve never danced on a bar or flashed my boobs. But- I have taken pole-dancing lessons and received a lap dance at my bachelorette party by a gorgeous Puerto Rican transvestite.
36. One of my pet peeves is to be late. My family was always late to things. It ticks me off when people are late, and when I’m unavoidably detained.
37. Stupid people piss me off. Lazy people piss me off. Irresponsible people piss me off. Inconsiderate people piss me off. If you’re any combination of the above, stay away from me.
38. I have my degree in Architectural Technology- that only means I didn’t do my thesis. I’ve taken the Registered Architectural Exam about 6 times, and passed 2 of the 9 parts. It’s harder than the bar exam, and the medical exam. I don’t need to be registered for the job I’m doing now. In fact, I pretty much feel all architects are whores anyway.
(Wow- I looked at the last 3 items- I’m pretty angry today!)
39. I have a dollhouse that my dad built me when I was 12. I’ve started to totally overhaul it and electify it. It’s on my “Things-to-do” list.
40. I used to drive a ’66 Mustang Convertible and a ’70 Mustang 2. I miss them both.
41. I hate NY. I hate NYC even more. I would move down south or out west in a heartbeat.
42. When I worked for NYC HPD, I renovated brownstones for low-income housing. Mostly in the Bronx. About 5 years before, just after Beena was born, I went blonde. Needless to say, I stuck out in the Bronx. One day, I was waiting in the front lobby of a building we were going to renovate when 6 or 7 little girls came up the stair- all about Beena’s age. They asked me all kinds of questions, and I told them I had a little girl their age. That brought on even more questions. The oddest one? Could they could touch my hair. I honestly felt I was in a Third World Country that day, with a gaggle of little girls stroking and playing with my hair. It makes me appreciate the fact that my girls today are totally “color”-blind.
43. I pick up the tab in restaurants and bars way more than I should. And I tip too much, too.
44. I love to garden, but unfortunately, my property is 85% in the shade. I’ve learned to garden with shade perenials- I won’t waste my time buying annuals. My favorite flowers are Rudbeckia hirta or the “Black-Eyed Susan” and Leucanthemum x superbum, or the “Shasta Daisy”. Don’t give me roses- give me daisies!
45. I hit the snooze button at least 6 times every morning before I finally get up. My best dreams are in those 9 minute intervals. Maybe that’s why I’m so tired all the time.
46. My blood type is AB- which is pretty rare. 0.6% of the population have this type. I get free offers to give platelets (they don’t want my blood- not many people can use it.) I’ve received shirts, gas cards, jackets, and Home Depot gift cards. I wanted to renovate my bathroom by giving platelets, but they don’t do this promotion anymore.
47. I don’t speak well in front of crowds. Even small crowds. I thought selling Adult Toys would help with that. Or acting in my church play. I still get tongue-tied, and forget about learning lines!
48. I had alot of fears as a kid, but I got over them. Spiders, needles, heights, stopped escalators, elevators, dentists, and snakes. Well- I still don’t like snakes. Or bridges.
49. I love to sing, especially hymns. Don’t stand next to me while I’m singing, though. I get the lyrics wrong, and I’m tone-deaf. I dont’ “get” song lyrics. I mis-hear alot.
50. I really love Homesteading. Canning, raising chickens and bees, growing vegetables. I don’t think I’d like to farm, small scale for me is the way to go.
51. I am currently obsessed with llamas. And I want a real alpaca.
52. I have a cow creamer collection. It started with my Great-Grandmother’s cow, left to me when she passed. I have about 30 of them.
53. Someday I will live in a tiny house that I designed.
54. I am raising six Buff Orpinton chickens.
55. I am also a beekeeper.
56. I am more confident as a blonde than any other hair color. And I’ve been them all.
57. My grandkids are my heart and soul. A day with them is pure gold.
58. I am a loyal friend but when I’m lied to or taken advantage of, I’m gone. I don’t suffer liars or bullies.
59. In one week, I can literally do my job in two days. The other three days I need to find something else to do. Like updating this list.
60. I regret not learning more from my mom. She could knit, crochet and sew almost professionally. I recently just learned how to crochet and there is so much I want to do, I should have learned earlier.
61. I’m thinking of going back to school for my Master’s Degree. Maybe when I’ve finished paying off student loans.
62. Sometimes I watch Bubble Guppies or Sesame Street when the grandkids aren’t around.
63. I no longer believe in “God”.
64. Sometimes I silent scream after I shut the bathroom door. Mostly at work.
65. I attract weird people. Odd people find me and want to talk to me. And because I’m nice, I can never escape.
66. There are currently 1707 people in my family tree on My Heritage.
67. I’ve developed a small touch of agoraphobia. I don’t especially like to go out. Sometimes I cancel plans at the last minute so I don’t have to leave the house.
68. When I do go shopping, I talk to babies when I’m in stores. I generally ignore the adult they’re with.
69. I recently passed my 20th Anniversary with the “Bank”. I got no recognition for it because I was outsourced to a consultant eight years ago so technically I lost those years even though I’ve been doing (almost) the same job in the same place for 20 years. No one remembered, no one cares.
70. I like my whisky cold and straight. Just like my bourbon.
71. My eyes are very sensitive. When it’s cold, I cry. People look at me funny when they pass me in the street.
72. I procrastinate terribly. It’s always “tomorrow” or “Monday”, or “after the holidays” or “after this show is over”.
73. Politically, I hover somewhere in the middle of “liberal” and “conservative”. I believe in equality in race, sexuality, gender, age, etc., but I don’t think the government should be paying for everything I’m working hard to attain. Marry who you want, but get a damn job. I’m simplifying it, of course, but you get the idea. And if you’re a special snowflake, flake off.
74. I like the smell of cigarettes and cigars. I hate the smell of weed. I love the smell of coffee shops.
75. I suffer from migraines. I know my triggers (chocolate, caffeine, red wine, phosphates, preservatives) and avoid them but usually they come with a drop in the barometer or a really windy day. Excedrin and darkness and throwing up usually diminishes the pain.
76. It took me over a week to compile this list. I’m probably the most boring person you’re ever going to meet. And if you DO know me, and know of something that SHOULD be on this list, thanks. You’re too late.
Now you try.