100 Things That Piss Me Off (or make me mad)

Oh, this one was MUCH easier. As I suspected…I am a misanthrope. And there are so many more…

1. Riding the subway.

2. Taking the N6 bus.

3. People who spit or hock a lugie on the sidewalk.

4. Wednesday matinee days.

5. People who take advantage. People who take home all the food after a conference.

6. The phrase “It is what it is.”

7. “Valentime‘s Day”

8. Liars.

9. When having a conversation: the person you’re conversing with is not listening to you but is prepping what they’re going to say next.

10. Being put on hold.

11. Poison ivy.

12. Rap music.

13. Celebrity gossip.

14. When I can’t finish a Sudoku.

15. When I forget to bring my reusable bags to the store.

16. People who don’t even TRY to recycle. Litterbugs.

17. Micro-managers. Managers who are also megalomaniacs.

18. Michael Jackson tributes.

19. Tanning salons.

20. Half-assed jobs.

21. Breaking a nail. Not that I EVER get my nails done.

22. Crackberries. Twitter. And the people who walk V..e..r..y…S..l..o..w..l..y while using them.

23. Bad boyfriends and their families.

24. Children misbehaving in public and usually how their parent’s (don’t) deal with them.

25. Dirty bathrooms and the pigs that make them that way.

26. People who talk on the phone all day instead of working.

27. Tourists.

28. Authors who crank out books in a series when clearly the series has already jumped the shark.

29. Reality TV shows. Except for Wipeout.

30. Mommybloggers. ESPECIALLY Dooce. And that Sandi Benson chick.

31. Starbuck’s and the posers who buy their sludge.

32. Companies that outsource their Help Desk and Customer Service to India.

33. Facebook friends that play those games all day long and post the status updates, thus clogging up the status list.

34. My ex-husband’s child bride.

35. When dog poop is NOT picked up.

36. When I can’t find something. My house has a black hole.

37. Bad breath. And the unwillingness to do anything about it.

38. Loud phone talkers.

39. Loud LIRR talkers.

40. People who won’t say “Good morning” or “Hello” when met passing on the street.

41. The nosy person in my office.

42. Neighbors who insist on coughing loudly or making other noise early in the morning or late at night under my bedroom window.

43. Dishes in the sink. And the unwillingness of anyone to do anything about them.

44. Burnt cookies. Burnt food.

45. Unresponses to emails.

46. The person who monopolizes conversations. Especially at book club.

47. People who constantly talk about their children. Every. Chance. They. Get.

48. Nasty soccer parents. And their nasty children.

49. Counter people who don’t get your order right. Usually because they don’t speak English.

50. Democrats that don’t like me because I’m a Republican.

51. Liberals.

52. People that hold grudges.

53. Season finales.

54. Shattered dreams.

55. The guy on the corner that has a billion kids, but can’t get any of them to do yard work. And he only “cleans” up his yard when it’s time to put his sukkah up.

56. Daughters who think we’re idiots.

57. Stray cats.

58. Bosses who don’t let you know when they’re going to be out.

59. Co-workers who take advantage and DON’T DO THEIR JOB.

60. Drug addicts. Alcoholics.

61. Spencer and Lola.

62. When my sewing machine gets moody.

63. When I’m moody (THAT time of the month) and no one is sympathetic.

64. My period. Period.

65. When my plants die.

66. People who ALWAYS cry poverty.

67. When my computer crashes. When my program doesn’t work. When I get a virus.

68. When my family is sick. MR’s allergies. Z-girl’s asthma.

69. When I’m sick. Migraines. Cramps.

70. My fat belly.

71. When I procrastinate.

72. The current physical state of my home.

73. Assholes who voted for Obama because he’s black. Assholes who didn’t vote for Obama because he’s black.

74. People who accuse first without getting the whole story.

75. Snotty, snooty or stuck-up persons.

76. Sloppy, slovenly or messy persons.

77. Kids with bad table manners. Even worse- adults with bad table manners.

78. Breaking a dish or a glass.

79. Bad drivers. Arrogant drivers. Asshole drivers.

80. People who don’t realize that you DO have a life outside of work, or outside of THEIR lives!

81. Men who undress you with a glance.

82. Small dogs. If they can fit in a pocketbook, they’re annoying. If you dress them, you’re annoying.

83. Rich people who feel entitled. Poor people who feel entitled.

84. Clueless Upper Management.

85. When the spouse can’t take a hint.

86. When friends cancel or don’t respond back to you.

87. People who would rather spend money on themselves than their kids.

88. Swindlers, bamboozlers, cheaters.

89. Bus riders that take up two seats. Subway riders that stick their feet out, or cross their legs. Guys who sit with their legs WIIIDE open. Then get mad at you if you try to sit/hit their feet…

90. When asked what they want for dinner, my family says “Whatever” or “I don’t know.” Or, when asked what they want from the supermarket, they reply the same, and complain there’s nothing to eat.

91. Not being able to take a real vacation.

92. When I trip or fall for no reason.

93. Typos. Grammatical errors. Use spell-check, people!

94. Body odor. Flaky scalp. Dirty clothes. Stinky feet.

95. Hidden fees. Late fees. Greens fees.

96. Underestimating my abilities.

97. My hair.

98. Cancer.

99. People who say “I haven’t seen you in Church lately!” Well, I haven’t seen you at the bar lately!

100. Bad porn.

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100 Things That Make Me Happy

This list took me almost a month to compile! I wonder if that says something about me? Hmmm….

These are in no particular order. And it’s a given that my family in general makes me happy! (On most days, at least.)

1. Hugging Zombiegirl. Getting hugs back.

2. The smell of a thunderstorm or rainstorm.

3. Hilton Head, SC

4. Riverhead, Long Island

5. Savannah, GA

6. Fresh tomatoes.

7. An email saying my library book is in.

8. Seeing my husband and child when they pick me up from the train/bus.

9. Hearing my husband and child’s laugh when they’re joking with each other.

10. Really clean windows.

11. Completing a sewing project.

12. Watching Zombiegirl play soccer.

13. Having Parker call me “Mrs. Reichert” or “Mamasoo.”

14. Soy yogurt, granola and mandarin oranges.

15. Not having to deal with stupid CAFM managers.

16. The words “I love you” whispered in my ear.

17. The feel of sand in underneath my feet.

18. Speaking of feet, having my husband rub them.

19. And pedicures.

20. Getting mail, but not bills.

21. Playing with the nieces and nephews.

22. America’s Funniest Home Videos, iCarly and Wipeout.

23. Going for a coffee run with friends.

24. Looking in people’s windows at night.

25. A lone voice singing “Amazing Grace”.

26. Looking at my wedding pictures and pictures of my kids when they were little.

27. Frozen Charleston Chews.

28. Butterfingers.

29. Pecan pie.

30. Sweet potatoes. Any shape, any form.

31. Gardening. Planting. Pruning. Weeding.

32. Garden Gnomes.

33. Fiestaware. All shapes, all colors, all styles- old and new.

34. Iced coffee, peppermint tea and chai.

35. Kissing the kid goodnight. Saying “Sweet dreambles.” Giving “dream dust.”

36. When the kid has a sleepover and the guest knows to ask for “dream dust.”

37. Watching Beena drive.

38. Saying the Lord’s Prayer. Hearing a multitude of voices saying it with me.

39. Compliments.

40. A hot shower after a workout or a long day at work.

41. Flannel pajamas. All day long.

42. A massage, a facial and a sauna.

43. Cilantro

44. Having dinner with all my family.

45. Seeing my friend Eileen.

46. Shopping in thrift stores and antique stores.

47. Hearing Beena speak “Math”.

48. Finishing a sudoku.

49. A really good book. Or the next book in a series I’m reading.

50. Indian food. Thai food.

51. MR’s smell. Especially when he comes out of 7-11.

52. Flowers, plants and veggies. All homegrown.

53. Spending a lazy day in bed watching a series (Dexter, Gilmore Girls) on DVD.

54. Hugs from my CAFM team when I see them once a month.

55. Ryan’s face when she laughs, and Ruddyna’s snort!

56. Baking with the kids.

57. Going new places. It doesn’t matter where!

58. Going to soccer practice/games and seeing my soccer moms.

59. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas season. If they’re not hectic… I could list 100 things that make me happy during the holidays alone!

60. The colors orange and chartreuse. Even better when they’re together.

61. In a canoe.

62. Seeing the recipient’s face when they open a gift made/given by me.

63. Thinking of Mom, Nana Ethel and Uncle Robbie.

64. Cow creamers and all things Cow Parade.

65. When I remember to take my reusable bags to the grocery store.

66. Babies and toddlers. Even if I’m not related to them. And this DOESN’T MEAN I WANT TO BE A GRANDMA.

67. Will Smith movies. Johnny Depp movies. Tim Burton movies.

68. Wine tastings on Long Island. Vodka tastings on Long Island.

69. Yes.

70. Hiking and camping.

71. A hot bath. Preferable with a book and a glass of wine.

72. Wrapping presents. Opening presents. Blowing out candles.

73. When my outfit works. And someone notices it.

74. Reminiscing.

75. The day after I dye my hair.

76. A new notebook or pad of paper.

77. A good pen or marker. Office supplies in general.

78. Finding dimes with MR.

79. A nap on the train. Hell- naps in general!

80. The piccolo player in Penn Station. He plays songs like Gilligan’s Island and the theme from F-Troop. I always give him a dollar.

81. A new friend request on Facebook.

82. When one of the blogs on my blog roll updates.

83. When Beena comments on my blog.

84. Butterflies, lady bugs and lolcats.

85. A cold beer with lime. A cold white Riesling or Gewurztraminer. Amaretto on the rocks. Jack Daniels and lemonade. Ice wine.

86. New clothes, a new Coach bag, new shoes or new piece of jewelry. Or all of the above.

87. Seeing the results of my hard work.

88. Feeding animals. Wild animals. Not the ones that live at home.

89. Carnivals. Rides. Cotton Candy. Ferris Wheels. Fireworks.

90. Globes and pictures of the earth.

91. Uniforms. Groups in uniforms. Fleet week. Firemen.

92. Harry Potter.

93. The smell of fresh laundry.

94. Watching OUR shows.

95. My favorite blanket.

96. Winning.

97. Pretzels with mustard from the pushcart guys.

98. Synchronicity.

99. Sewing and creating.

100. Chocolate. Specifically dark or spicy.