I’m hanging a little bit of dirty laundry out today.  It’s been hanging in the deepest darkest corners of the yard where no one can see, but faced with a huge change tomorrow, I have to shake it out and take another look to see if there are any holes, rips or tatters.  Bear with me.

It’s been a year and a half since Kansas left home.  When one of your own has an addiction there are programs available to help them beat their demons.  When one of your own claims she’s in love and you know that person isn’t good for her, there’s nothing that can be said or done to convince her otherwise.  You can’t send your child to rehab for bad choices.  You also apparently can’t forbid your child to never see that bad choice again.  I speak from experience.  My parent’s went through something similar with me.

When I announced my engagement to my ex, my parents sat me down and asked if I was sure I was doing the right thing.  My best friend did the same.  We made a list of pros and cons and the cons far outweighed the pros in our case- I was still in college, I hadn’t really had any other boyfriends, his family was totally fucked up- all things that, had I been thinking clearly, should have had me running in the opposite direction.  But I wasn’t getting along with the rents at the time and I was anxious to be on my own. 

Besides…I loved him.

Well, I thought I did.  I was 15 years old when I started going out with him, and I was 22 when we got married.  I think I loved the “thought” of being married.  He was (is) a lazy asshole with no aspirations and no social skills.  Yet to spite everyone I stuck with him and had his children.  I finally wised up and realized I couldn’t be married to him any longer.  After a vicious fight,  I left and went to my parent’s house.

They told me to stay with him, go back home to him.  Mainly because they paid for the wedding and they didn’t want to see that money wasted.

Okaaay.  No help there.

(I know now they were only trying to smooth over a rough patch the best they knew how.  They did let the kids and I stay with them until I found an apartment.)

Should I have listened to my friends and family?  Yes, definitely.  It was the single biggest mistake in my life getting married.  My biggest regret ever.  I don’t regret my kids, but the years wasted with my ex and not experiencing life at that age haunt me still.

So.  Back to Kansas.  Her boyfriend comes from a family that would keep Jerry Springer on the air permanently.  I thought he was nice and respectful when we first met.  He treated her well for the first few months.  Then, when she was firmly snared in his love-trap, his true colors came out.  Possessive, disrespectful, jealous.  He made her cry almost every night.  She was forced to delete all the males on her Facebook and had to hide her yearbook because her male friends signed it.  MR finally couldn’t take the crying and laid down the law- she couldn’t see him any more.

All hell broke loose. 

I don’t want to go back to that day, it was so painful.  Cops coming to the house, clothes thrown out windows, people pushed down stairs, sisters screaming on the lawn.  Things said in pure, white-hot anger.  {Shudder}

I had never been so embarrassed.  I wasn’t raised this way, MR wasn’t raised this way and we certainly didn’t raise our daughters this way.  Yet here we were, drained from the fight, watching one of our own flee from us.  Like we were the enemy.

Fast forward to last Sunday.  We come home from watching MR play soccer to a note shoved in between our doors.  Kansas wants to come home.  She’s been broken up from the boyfriend, the one that promised he would take care of her emotionally and financially, for awhile.  She had been staying with the older sister and her two kids (from different fathers) until she kicked her out.  Most recently, she was living with the other sister until they were robbed.  Kansas no longer has her laptop or her jewelry and now needs a place to live since they were getting kicked out of that apartment.

( This doesn’t even SCRATCH the surface of what I know about this family.Jerry?  Call me!)

After debating with MR, losing sleep and crying for hours at a time, I told Kansas she could come home.  With provisions, of course.  I mainly want her away from the influential talons of this bunch of losers.  We’re going to start with a clean slate.  Trust has to be earned, repect has to be restored, love has to be found.

And if all that fails, we’re going to rehab.


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