This bugs the crap out of me.
To recap: four men were arrested and one man was sought after a freshman at Hofstra University claimed she was gang-raped on a Sunday night. Supposedly she was lured away from a party, tied up and repeatedly raped by the five men in a bathroom on the men’s floor of the dorm.
The men were arrested, their names and faces were in the newspapers, some were fired from their jobs and their families received hate mail.
Good, you may say. They deserved it! They’re rapists!
But the weren’t. The woman recanted her story, admitted she had group sex with these men and was not tied up. It was consensual. They were released.
This woman (girl) is a Freshman. This is the third week of college.
I understand the fear and uncertainty starting a new school. I didn’t dorm while I was at college (although I should have) so I won’t pretend I understand how scared a student may be living with strangers, in a strange town. I give my “adopted” kid, Katie, a LOT of credit moving to another state and living away from home. But I’ve gone to school on my own- meeting new people, new classes, getting lost in a huge environment where I felt very small, very young. I didn’t have my parents to help me get situated. They never experienced college, so at the time, I didn’t rely on them for any help. And I made mistakes as a Freshman. I admit it. I’m sure we all have. We were young and inexperienced at life, so it was bound to happen.
Did I have group sex three weeks into the semester with men I didn’t know? No.
Did I accuse anyone wrongfully, thus ruining lives in my wake? No.
What on earth was this girl thinking? What were these boys thinking? All five of you having sex with one girl? Is this okay? Where were you raised?
I am not a prude. I know sexual things go on in this world that would shock any rational thinking person. I know people have sex. I even know people have group sex. I know teenagers have sex. I know college life, to some, is one big party. But I want to find this girl, and shake some sense into her. You’re a Freshman, I want to tell her. Your job is to go to class and learn- not to spread your legs for the whole men’s dorm! If you want to fit in- join a club! Try a sport! Group sex is not on the curriculum! I would tell her it’s okay to be scared and unsure. Sleeping around though is not going to make you popular or help you make new friends.
So, okay. You did have sex with these men. Why on earth would you accuse them? What is going on in your head to point a finger at innocent people and torture them with jail time?
This is one messed up girl. And she is not going to be charged- she cut a deal with the DA. I only hope that deal includes major therapy for this troubled teenager.
These are our leaders of tomorrow. Our future Master’s of the Universe.
The universe has become a very bleak place.