I find things stuck on or in my body.
Like the day 11 or 12 years ago I found a bead in my belly button.
I had forgotten the girls and I were playing with beads and they stuck it in there to make me pretty. Three days before I actually found it.
Or the time I was at work and used the ladies room. While washing my hands I looked in the mirror and noticed a huge parrot sticker stuck to the side of my hair. The girls had a ritual- they would give me a sticker in the morning to “remember them” while I was at work. They would put it on my shirt and I would take it off when I left the house. I changed my shirt that day after being stickered, and figured the sticker was still on the shirt. Nope, it was on my hair. And no one told me. I rode the A Train in that morning. For over an hour. And worked. For over an hour.
Or the time I had a Chiquita banana sticker stuck to my pants. I brought a banana to work and the sticker made it’s way from the banana to my chair. I sat down and Tada! [cue music] I’m a Chiquita banana, and I’m here to say- I’m an asshat! Practically all day. Until my manager told me I had a sticker on my ass, and could he take it off for me? (The days before sexual harassment awareness…)
Or the time (this morning) I’m taking a shower and find an OB tampon wrapper (you know, the plastic middle piece that separates the top and the bottom) stuck on my ass. Was it from last night, when I changed the OB, or from this morning when I sat on the toilet? Either way, it was there for awhile because I was up at 5:00 am (see dreamscape below) doing stuff and I took a shower at 6:00 am.
Am I unusually sticky? Or maybe overly sweaty? Or just clueless.
I vote for clueless. I just picked up my lunch two blocks away with my suit jacket buttoned crooked. And wondered why the weird lady in the lobby was looking at ME weirdly.
I’m an asshat.