lola: momma and ppppa and little one have been gone for three days. why didn’t they take lolagirl?
spencer: dunno. you hungry? i hungry. i want steak and fish and carrot and apple and chicken and cookie and…look… a fly!
lola: momma and poppa left big girl here to take care of us. she doesn’t let lolagirl into her room to sleep anymore because the big noisy box is on. it’s nice and cold in big girl room now. i like nice and cold! where did momma and pappa and little one go? sigh.
spencer: that fly really fly fast. too fast for me to eat. what do you want to do, lolagirl?
lola: did momma and poppa go to the house with the big water? i love the big water. i love to jump into the big water and swim and swim and swim. they when i come out i roll on the sand and roll and roll and roll. poppa calls me a chicken cutlet.
spencer: what’s a cutlet? ow!
lola: spencerboy, when you sneeze you have to stand up. that’s why you keep hitting your head. silly boy.
spencer: i have to pee. wait, let me drink more water. okay. i still have to pee. wait, let me drink more water. i have to pee.
lola: big girl always yell at you. you don’t wipe your face after you drink. silly boy.
spencer: [thump, scratch, thump, scratch]
lola: spencerboy, you have to take your foot out of your ear after you scratches. that’s why you fall down- only three feet on floor! oh, where momma poppa little one?
[patter heard upstairs]
lola: ooh. fishy food. yum.
[bigger patter heard upstairs]
spencerboy: why you eating fishy food again, lolagirl? you get sick and everyone yell at you and tell you to go into the bathroom and i don’t see you for a long time and i get sad and start to whine…oh look- there’s a fly.
lola: my tummy hurts. too much fishy food. i feel better if i eat bathroom garbage. yum.
spencer: [thump] ow.
lola: spencerboy you can’t chase a fly up the wall, you hit your head too much.
spencer: no, my head too hard. i bit my tongue. i need to go drink some water. where is everybody? i don’t have anyone to follow around!
lola: i don’t know- they packed fuzzy warm bags and that pop-up doggie house. i wish they come home soon. i’m tired of playing with you. where’s maggie magee?
spencer: i want something to chew on. i needs bone. where’s the bone? oh look- it’s the little fuzzy thing.
lola: that’s maggie magee, stupid spencerboy. let’s chase!
Maggie: You cretins. What are you two stupid canines up to? Don’t you know the Hoomans went into the woods to go camping? I heard the Male Hooman say they were going camping. Even though I don’t know what that is, that’s where they are. The Female Hooman was playing with the washing machinery all last week. Why don’t you two jugheads try to find them? Try to get out and go after them. I’ll cover for you with Big Girl Hooman. Go on!
lola: silly maggie magee. big girl turn lock on all doors and shut all windows. we can’t go out unless she lets us.
spencer: i need to go out now. i need to pee. and poop. and poop. and pee. wait- i can go right now. that rug looks good…
lola: no no no spencerboy. big girl will yell at you, oh…oh…ew…never mind. i guess we just wait for momma poppa little one to come home. i’ll just sleep here, on the couchy.
spencer: make room for me. i want something softy to sleep on. oh look, there’s a fly.
Thanks to Miss Banshee at Inverse Candlelight for the idea of posting the pet’s thoughts. Her kitties are much, much smarter than our dumb dogs.